50 Awful Things About The Illuminati Updated 9-30-91

By Steve Jackson

1. There are many Illuminated groups, with different kinds of secret

knowledge. Anything you might say about them (including this) will be

false for some of the Illuminati, but true for others, which only

adds to the confusion and mystery.

2. The Illuminati infiltrate and take over organizations of all

kinds, from churches to the post office to the corner grocery store,

and turn them to their own ends.

3. And, just as a black joke, some of their subject organizations

<MI>advertise<M> themselves as Secret Societies!

4. They have agents and ``sleepers'' planted everywhere. Many of

these people have no idea who they are really reporting to. Others

are active members of the conspiracy, working their way ever deeper

into the fabric of society.

5. They control the schools in order to make sure that young people

learn to enjoy strange tuneless music and weird outlandish games, and

that they dress oddly.

6. They also try to recruit the best and the brightest young people

as agents, to insure the next generation of the Conspiracy.

7. They constantly feud among themselves and war with other groups

and organizations. Each group of Illuminati is constantly striving to

increase its power base and undermine the competition.

8. Their first means of dealing with opposition is to buy it off. To

any group as rich as the Illuminati, a few million dollars are


9. Next they try threats. Danger to possessions, status or loved ones

has dissuaded many a would-be foe of Illuminati schemes.

10. And, of course, murder is an ancient political weapon. The

Illuminati have been responsible for some of the most shocking

assassinations of modern times.

11. They also replace people with doubles. For many years they

recruited look-alikes who would serve their ends. Now they are

perfecting cloning technology that will let them replace


12. Those who can't be dealt with any other way are discredited or

driven mad.

13. The Illuminati conspiracy is hundreds, if not thousands, of years

old. Many of the most famous names of history have been Illuminated,

or Illuminati agents. Indeed, all of history is nothing more than an

outside view of the schemes and struggles of the Illuminati.

14. And, of course, the Illuminati are constantly rewriting history

to serve their own goals. For instance, modern schoolchildren are

taught that there is no historical evidence of Jesus Christ, and they

learn nothing about the Russo-German War or the state of Arcadia.

15. They control the news media, so you hear what they want you to

about today's news. Any event that doesn't fit in with their program

will be quickly hushed up.

16. In particular, they control television. They don't permit

intelligent shows to survive; they encourage mind candy that will

keep people from thinking. The only reason good shows are permitted

to appear at all is to convince intelligent people that nobody else

likes such material, and that there must be something wrong with


17. The Illuminati manipulate the stock market and control currencies

on an international level. Your paycheck is worth just what the

Illuminati want it to be.

18. Likewise, the entire ``energy crisis'' is an Illuminati

invention. There's no shortage of energy, of a dozen different kinds,

but plentiful free energy might threaten the Illuminated power base!

19. The Illuminati are doing their best to hold back the space

program, for the same reason. If mankind was spread out through the

solar system, they'd be much harder to control. [Not all the

Illuminati agree on this. Some of them lust after the mineral wealth

of space, and some want (literally) new worlds to conquer.]

20. And some of them are in touch with aliens from outer space. Some

of them ARE aliens. Why would ``advanced beings'' want to meddle with

the affairs of Earthlings? Good question.

21. Worse, some of them have actual magical powers and are in league

with forces from . . . elsewhere. Great huge beings that are madness

to look upon, or tiny, malicious things that glare and gibber from

dark corners. They have pins and dolls; they know old names.

22. Other Illuminati have embraced technology. Their files of

information are much more useful when backed by the power of the

computer. They are also conditioning everyone to believe that

computers are so complicated and dangerous that only the Experts

should play with them. Next time you get an electric bill for

$666,666.66, you know who's behind it.

23. And some of these technophiles have gone a step farther, creating

actual machine intelligences. These sentient computers are now,

themselves, a force amoung the ruling Illuminati!

24. The Illuminati don't like war; it's expensive and wasteful. War

only happens when two groups of Illuminati are very evenly matched

and neither is willing to negotiate. But then they whip a few nations

into a patriotic fervor and go at it.

25. They send secret messages through the newspapers and airwaves -

in the classified ads, and even buried in news reports. They have

other, even stranger forms of secret communications . . . all around

you, all the time.

26. They keep everyone - yes, <MI>everyone<M> - under constant

surveillance. Every time you fill out another questionnaire, you're

weaving another strand of the net that binds the world.

27. They are working to make the law as confusing as possible, so

everything will be illegal or potentially illegal - then they have a

hold on everybody and everyone will fear the laws.

28. They encourage resistance to authority among young people and

political dissidents, to distract government attention from the real

enemy within.

29. But when they reach a satisfactory level of control, they turn

their efforts toward extinguishing independence and encouraging

mindless obedience to whatever orders come from the Illuminati or

their servants.

30. They commit random atrocities - poisoning food at grocery stores,

murdering old blind ladies, sniping on the freeway - just to make

people vaguely confused, frightened and paranoid.

31. They suppress inventions which might change the status quo. The

100-mile-a-gallon carburator, the perfect contraceptive, and the

cornucopia plant are all lying in Illuminati vaults, waiting for the

day when it will suit the Secret Masters to release them. What

happened to the inventors? Bought off, intimidated, or just vanished.

32. On the other hand, they also maintain secret laboratories where

they develop new weapons and devices of all kind.

33. Their arcane investigations cause all sorts of mysteries. Ever

wonder about the Loch Ness Monster? The ``cattle mutilations?'' The

Oregon Crud?

34. And they require hundreds of <MI>human<M> victims every year for

their experiments. Ever wonder why there are so many Missing Persons

reports, and why so few of those people are found?

35. They are constantly experimenting with new types of mind control.

They put drugs in drinking water, flash subliminal messages during

movies and TV shows, and play instructions that you can't quite hear

over supermarket loudspeakers. They experiment with microwaves and

ultra-low-frequency devices, too.

36. And every wire in your house is a potential pathway for

Illuminati messages, attacks or controlling rays. Did you ever stop

to think just how many wires lead to your house? And do you have any

idea where they <MI>really<M> come from?

37. Naturally, they discourage investigation of the strange and

unusual, because it might lead to them. But they encourage people to

joke about the Illuminati.

38. They also publish supermarket tabloids, just to make sure that

everybody thinks ``Hitler's Brain Is Alive!'' and ``Bigfoot Seen In

Hawaii'' are just jokes.

39. And they encourage the craziest pseudo-science ``researchers''

they can find, because this tends to discredit legitimate

investigators into the unusual.

40. A popular belief is that the Illuminati want power for its own

sake. This is true of some of them. But other Illuminated groups

exist to support an ideology, to achieve a particular goal, or simply

to oppose some other group of Illuminati!

41. One of their chief preoccupations is life extension by any means

possible. Nobody who has held ultimate power for fifty years is eager

to let it go. Anything you can think of . . . yoga, cryonics,

body-exchange, magic, cloning, goat (or other) glands, transfusions,

computerized personality duplication . . . has been tried by the

Illuminati at one time or another. And some of them work!

42. Furthermore, powerful Illuminati from past centuries lie waiting

to be revived when science allows it. Mummies, pickled corpses,

frozen bodies, <MI>conscious brains in jars . . . <M> you would

recognize the names if we could mention them.

43. You're not cleared for this one.

44. They use disease as a weapon to discipline their own populations

or destroy competing ones. Black Death in Europe, smallpox among the

American Indians . . . The swine flu, a few years ago, was thwarted

by opposing forces, or you probably wouldn't be reading this.

45. They have a variety of unhuman and inhuman servants. The dreaded

Men in Black are perhaps their best-known agents. No one knows

whether the MIBs are androids, golems, or something even worse.

Perhaps they were <MI>once<M> human . . .

46. And they really are breeding a Master Race. The Nazis had no idea

how they were being used, or why. And they'd be horrified at the

Illuminati's idea of perfection!

47. The Illuminati know weird sexual techniques undreamed of in the

Kama Sutra. They also know <MI>why<M> those techniques are used.

48. The next time you spend too much money to buy something you

didn't want or need, and it breaks in a week, you can be sure you've

just contributed to an Illuminati fund-raising project.

49. They start chain letters. They also plant rumors that the Red Cross

can buy an iron lung if you send them a million cigarette packages, and

that dying children in England want ten million business cards. No one

knows why they do this.

50. Fnord.

Know any other Illuminated secrets? Send e-mail to Steve Jackson -

before it's too late.

Quit, List, or number to read :

These documents are free from , providing free webcontent for websites around the world!. copy freely with this link intact. BelieversCafe.com