THE STRAIGHT CONNECTION
The never-been-gay-counsellor is usually faced with two questions when
counselling persons coming out of homosexual sin patterns. While these are
probably legitimate concerns of the counsellee, they are generally thrown
at the counsellor to divert his attention from the work at hand. The
counsellor would benefit from knowing the answers to these "show-stoppers"
before they are raised -- and getting his thoughts and feelings in order.
The questions are these: "Who do you think you are that you can counsel
ME?" and "But you've never been gay, how can you really understand my
When your counsellee looks you in the eye and says, "But you don't
understand ...", don't waver. This is a manipulation that many will pull,
even if they're serious about getting out of sin. It's a case of "the
spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak". If you've probed a bit too
deeply for the counsellee's comfort into an area that he is protective of,
he's liable to lay this one on you. You may not have a heterosexual sin in
your past to parallel with the situation, but you DO know God's Word. Use
it! Confront the person with his manipulation. Remind him that it isn't
your life he has to measure up to, it's the Word of God.
Along that line, there is the idea that the gay sex drive is stronger than
the straight sex drive. And that, as a result, gay persons have less
ability to resist temptation, let alone stay celibate, than straight
persons. This is a gross generalization purported by Christians and non-
Christians alike. Sin is still sin. God's remedy begins with genuine
repentance, confession, and acceptance of God's forgiveness. Power to
resist temptation and deal responsibly is given to all (see I Corinthians.
10:13). THERE ARE NO EXCUSES!
"Who do you think you are?" can be a problem for the counsellor who
struggles with his self-worth in most areas of his life already. He needs
to begin his counselling knowing that he's the right person in the right
place, that God doesn't make mistakes!
De-specializing homosexual sin -- that is, showing the counsellee that his
sin is no worse than other types of sin, and that God's remedy covers it
even if the world says it's special -- is a commission uniquely belonging
to the never-been-gay counsellor. An ex-gay counsellor cannot help but
make comparisons with his old life, drawing from personal experience. This
is good as far as it goes, But we know that the gay world offers a variety
of experiences, and that the term "gay-lifestyle" should really read
"lifestyles". Often the ex-gay counsellor can find himself substituting
personal experience for Biblical truth, and being limited by his own
experience. A never-been-gay counsellor doesn't have to contend with the
cloud of experience that can shroud and distort the truth in the Bible.
There is another special role that the never-been-gay counsellor plays in
the life of a person coming out of gayness. He gives that individual a
glimpse of life in the Body of Christ as it should be. The average lay
person is not from a gay background. It is to the average lay person that
ex-gays must learn to relate. The "ex-gay" label must be discarded for the
label of "new creature" which all believers share. The counsellor from a
non-gay background can lay foundations in relating to the Church, as well
as be a healing for the person who has been rejected by people who don't
understand the nature of homosexual sin. He can also help the counsellee
find his place in the Body of Christ by encouraging the gifts and talents
Don't bemoan your "lack of testimony". You have the witness that God
ordained for you. Rejoice and trust Him that He knows what He is about in
using you in this work.
- - Robbi Kenney
For further information about homosexuality or about other areas of sexual
brokenness, please contact:
LOVE IN ACTION
G.P.O. Box 1115
ADELAIDE SA 5001
Phone (08) 371-0446
This article is reprinted by permission from:
Love In Action
P.O. Box 2655
San Rafael California 94912
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