The never-been-gay-counsellor is usually faced with two questions when

counselling persons coming out of homosexual sin patterns. While these are

probably legitimate concerns of the counsellee, they are generally thrown

at the counsellor to divert his attention from the work at hand. The

counsellor would benefit from knowing the answers to these "show-stoppers"

before they are raised -- and getting his thoughts and feelings in order.

The questions are these: "Who do you think you are that you can counsel

ME?" and "But you've never been gay, how can you really understand my


When your counsellee looks you in the eye and says, "But you don't

understand ...", don't waver. This is a manipulation that many will pull,

even if they're serious about getting out of sin. It's a case of "the

spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak". If you've probed a bit too

deeply for the counsellee's comfort into an area that he is protective of,

he's liable to lay this one on you. You may not have a heterosexual sin in

your past to parallel with the situation, but you DO know God's Word. Use

it! Confront the person with his manipulation. Remind him that it isn't

your life he has to measure up to, it's the Word of God.

Along that line, there is the idea that the gay sex drive is stronger than

the straight sex drive. And that, as a result, gay persons have less

ability to resist temptation, let alone stay celibate, than straight

persons. This is a gross generalization purported by Christians and non-

Christians alike. Sin is still sin. God's remedy begins with genuine

repentance, confession, and acceptance of God's forgiveness. Power to

resist temptation and deal responsibly is given to all (see I Corinthians.


"Who do you think you are?" can be a problem for the counsellor who

struggles with his self-worth in most areas of his life already. He needs

to begin his counselling knowing that he's the right person in the right

place, that God doesn't make mistakes!

De-specializing homosexual sin -- that is, showing the counsellee that his

sin is no worse than other types of sin, and that God's remedy covers it

even if the world says it's special -- is a commission uniquely belonging

to the never-been-gay counsellor. An ex-gay counsellor cannot help but

make comparisons with his old life, drawing from personal experience. This

is good as far as it goes, But we know that the gay world offers a variety

of experiences, and that the term "gay-lifestyle" should really read

"lifestyles". Often the ex-gay counsellor can find himself substituting

personal experience for Biblical truth, and being limited by his own

experience. A never-been-gay counsellor doesn't have to contend with the

cloud of experience that can shroud and distort the truth in the Bible.

There is another special role that the never-been-gay counsellor plays in

the life of a person coming out of gayness. He gives that individual a

glimpse of life in the Body of Christ as it should be. The average lay

person is not from a gay background. It is to the average lay person that

ex-gays must learn to relate. The "ex-gay" label must be discarded for the

label of "new creature" which all believers share. The counsellor from a

non-gay background can lay foundations in relating to the Church, as well

as be a healing for the person who has been rejected by people who don't

understand the nature of homosexual sin. He can also help the counsellee

find his place in the Body of Christ by encouraging the gifts and talents

already evidenced.

Don't bemoan your "lack of testimony". You have the witness that God

ordained for you. Rejoice and trust Him that He knows what He is about in

using you in this work.

- - Robbi Kenney

For further information about homosexuality or about other areas of sexual

brokenness, please contact:


G.P.O. Box 1115


Phone (08) 371-0446

This article is reprinted by permission from:

Love In Action

P.O. Box 2655

San Rafael California 94912



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