The Owner Of Our Soul
The sin of Adam, choosing to be independent from God, made it possible to
live without acknowledging our need for God. This is a life controlled by
the self where God is blocked out as we seek our own solutions to our
needs. The result being they are left unfulfilled, for God alone is the
owner of our souls. "Behold all souls are Mine" says God in Ezekiel 18:4,
who alone is able to fully satisfy our needs. "The Lord is my portion says
my soul, 'therefore I will hope in Him.' The Lord is good to those who
wait for Him, to the soul, that seeks Him." (Lamentations 3:24-25).
On an unconscious level our unfulfilled needs supersede all our activities
until they are met. They drive us to direct all our energies towards
satisfying them. Only as we depend on God to fulfil these needs will we
ever be satisfied. This frees us and allows us to look beyond ourselves
directing others to God for fulfilment of their needs.
Moberly points out that all have needs for 'love from,' 'dependency on,'
and 'identification with the same sex parent.' Infants depend on their
parents, the only love source they know, to provide for every physical,
emotional, spiritual need that they experience. Due to our parents'
humanness, who have their own unfulfilled needs, the child's high
expectations go unfulfilled. Reality is that the parent is able to meet
the developmental needs of the child only to the extent that his own
developmental needs have been met. The pain of reality is that our only
love source, whom we have put our full dependence upon, has failed us.
Hurt, anger, resentment, and unforgiveness bring immense pain. It is at
this point that God's call to depend on Him to meet our needs is heard,
allowing Him to bring restoration. "For I will satisfy the weary soul, and
every languishing soul I will replenish." (Jeremiah 31:25).
Yet many times for different reasons: too young, lack of understanding,
lack of trust, lack of strength, self in control, etc., we search for our
own solutions. We would rather cope by denying these feelings to prevent
ourselves from being hurt like this again than to be healed by God. The
denial increases as opportunity to freely express our "negative" feelings
and our needs are seldom permitted. We resort to repressing this pain in
our subconscious mind unable to know what our real needs are. Consciously,
we grope around seeking satisfaction for our new presumed needs. Since the
real needs have been buried along with the pain to protect us against
reality, we settle for the less painful: the tension of being unreal.
We enter an eternal struggle when we place our hope of fulfilling real
needs by satisfying presumed needs, like having a homosexual lover. There
is no relationship that can provide fulfilment to real needs except the
relationship with Jesus Christ the owner of our souls. This allows the
Holy Spirit to reveal our true unmet needs and gives us the courage to
experience the pain of reality that has been buried so deep within.
We learn to pursue assumed needs from our parents. The unfulfilled needs
in the parents drives them to seek fulfilment through their children. This
can happen in many ways. If a parent was humiliated a lot by her parents,
she may expect undue respect and love from her children. If a parent, as a
child, had to perform for love, he may expect his children to be nothing
less that perfect, successful, productive and always good. If a parent was
so protected growing up, he may expect his children to become adults
prematurely, i.e., to "take care" of him. The unfulfilled needs of the
parents take precedence over the child's needs. The child then must
repress and deny her own needs and feelings in order to try to satisfy the
parent's needs. When this happens the child is needed rather than loved,
for the child is not accepted for her own personhood nor is her potential
nourished and enhanced. As these times add up all kinds of hurt, anger,
resentment and unforgiveness result. Being dependent on her parents the
child is in a vulnerable position with the only option that she must act as
she is expected to in order to gain their "love." The child clings to the
hope that if she meets her parents expectations, she will receive the love
she yearns for. So she struggles to become another version of herself,
sacrificing her real needs and feelings in order to deny the feeling of
being unloved. The child hiding this pain escapes the reality of her
neediness. This only shuts down her real feelings all the more. Becoming
numb she further separates from her real self acting instead of being.
Since the child is rarely able to have her own feelings, she believes love
is found outside herself and with someone else. As the child becomes an
adult, the unfulfilled needs drive her to seek substitute gratification
through symbolic behaviour in hopes of finding someone to make her feel and
let her know who she is.
Those who have struggled homosexually have been caught up in this denial of
reality. We have denied our neediness for the same sex parent because of
the immense pain we have felt when he/she failed us due to his/her own
unfulfilled needs. Our unfulfilled needs drive us to unconsciously find
that caring, interested, warm same sex parent in all our relationships.
Aching to feel and to be our true selves has led to eroticisation of our
needs Sex is the most potent emotional expression there is. Suddenly we
finally feel alive! We finally have our own feelings. Having to act most
of the time while growing up trying to meet our parents' expectations
rather than just being has confused our identity. We are searching to find
ourselves. We can find our real selves in reality. Reality is in feeling
the pain of our neediness, acknowledging that our same sex parent never did
nor could meet our needs. Then we must acknowledge our hurt, anger,
resentment, and unforgiveness. (See Confession: The Gateway To
Wholeness.) We are admonished to let go of the garbage that is stored in
our souls. "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamour and slander
be put away from you , with all malice, and be kind to one another, as God
in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:31-32)
Asking God to reveal the garbage that we have buried begins the process to
reality. He will reveal our hurts and our responses to us. We will begin
to feel the pain and acknowledge our neediness for God. For we have dashed
the hope that someone else can and will meet our needs. The search will be
over, allowing God to come in and finally satisfy those unfulfilled needs.
We will then be free to depend on God, embracing Him fully for fulfilment.
Our identity will be found in Him for he will be the owner of our souls.
For further information about homosexuality or about other areas of sexual
brokenness, please contact:
LOVE IN ACTION
G.P.O. Box 1115
ADELAIDE SA 5001
Phone (08) 371 0446
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by permission from:
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