ORIGENS OF HOMOSEXUALITY
----- Part 2
"The road towards homosexuality begins with the first day of life. "Day
one" has great significance ... it is important that both parents are
present during this time ..."
The First Days Of Life
Dr Irving Bieber has said, "The family is the architect of homosexuality."
The road towards homosexuality begins with the first day of life. Day one
has great significance. It is in the first few moments of life that a
bonding takes place called intimate binding. This bonding between infant
and parents is of vital importance to their future relationships. Research
has shown that during the first 45-60 minutes of life, a child's state of
consciousness is in "state #4", which is the quiet, alert state. (There
are six states of consciousness, ranging from sleep to screaming.) During
state #4, the child can see, has visual preferences and will turn his head
toward someone speaking. He has been prepared for this important first
meeting with his parents. European hospitals are beginning to recognize
this important event and are making the proper atmosphere possible. But
American hospitals are slow to recognize this need and a mother should
ensure that she will be able to hold and comfort her baby right after birth
before signing into a hospital. The child who is whisked away faces a new
world of blinding lights, cold temperature and pain with no welcome. This
is rejection at its worst.
The Father's Part.
The father who is absent during this critical time is adversely affecting
his future relationship with his child. It is important that both parents
hold the child. The baby needs to know that he has a mother and also a
father. Some suggest that the husband hold the infant to his bare chest,
establishing the same kind of bond that occurs when the wife will nurse
their child. What is being established is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. When this
is firmly established, the child can weather any storm in life. He will
feel loved and affirmed. He will feel secure and protected. Dr. Bieber
also has a word on this subject: "We have come to the conclusion that a
constructive, supportive, warmly-related father precludes the possibility
of a homosexual son; he acts as a neutralizing protective agent, should the
mother make seductive or close-binding attempts."
The father is significant in establishing the identity of both male and
female children. Charles W. Socarides in his book, The Overt Homosexual,
makes this statement: "The importance of the father to the child's
psychological development cannot be overestimated. To the boy he is the
model for masculine identification, giving him a feeling of security in
relation to the environment. For the girl it is the father's love which
creates a model for heterosexual love in adulthood."
The Consequences Of Rejection.
Many have said that the opposite of love is not hate (as most would
conclude), but indifference. In our eight years of counseling homosexuals
at Love In Action, San Rafael, most have not had a cruel father, but what
we call an emotionally-absent father. This subtle rejection is far more
damaging than a father who physically beats his child. With the abusive
father, there are usually times of closeness. Even the punishment
inflicted is in itself a relationship, and the absent father is usually
fantasized about. That is if he were present, he would be loving and
caring; however, the father who is present and indifferent presents the
stark image of total rejection. This rejection sets in motion a force that
becomes one of the preconditional factors of homosexuality.
The Search For Unconditional Love.
The child being denied his God-given right for unconditional love will seek
to have this need filled through others. For some, this unfulfilled need
will take them directly into homosexuality. Others will live with lives
severely damaged in other areas. Some totally withdraw from life and exist
in a fantasy world of their own making. Here they have their needs met and
as they depart from reality, they lay the groundwork for a life of
isolation loneliness, and rejection.
MINISTRY TO HOMOSEXUALS
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