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The Life and Writings of Mrs. Harriet Newell

Originally published by the American Sunday School Union

1831

Reprinted and Republished by:

Sowers Seed Reprints

A.D. 1997

Birth and parentage of Mrs. Newell - Her attendance upon Bradford Academy - Conversion - Extracts from her letters and journal - Death of her father - Public profession of religion.

The highest excellence, exhibited in the life of a female, usually receives, after her death, not her tribute than the remembrance and the tears of the grateful circle, which she adorned and blessed. The poor may mourn their benefactor, relatives their affectionate mother, wife, or sister; and companions their counsellor, helper, and friend: but no memorial, except perhaps upon her tomb, publishes to others the virtues which made her thus beloved and thus lamented.

But Providence has called some females to more public duties, and connected their names with events of general interest. The history of the hearts and lives of such, is the just property of all. And when an offering of precious value, and of rich perfume, has been publicly poured upon the Saviour's fee, - "wheresoever this gospel shall be preached, there shall also this that this woman hath done, be told for a memorial of her."

HARRIETT ATWOOD, afterwards MRS. NEWELL, was born at Haverhill, Massachusetts, October 10, 1793. her father, Mr. Moses Atwood, was a merchant, extensively and honourably known by his enterprize, benevolence, and inflexible integrity. Her mother still survives to forbid our praises.

Under the nurture of such parents, and in the society of beloved brothers and sisters, her childhood was happy. She was naturally cheerful in her disposition, and ardent in her feelings. In her first, as in her later years, she was always a warm and faithful friend; an affectionate sister, and a grateful and obedient daughter. She early manifested that love of books and of her pen, and that thirst for mental improvement, so conspicuous through her following life; as a proof of which, it may be mentioned that, when only about eleven years of age, she kept a regular diary, in which she wrote the events of the passing day, with frequent moral reflections, suggested by the incidents she recorded. About this time her heart was evidently visited with the strivings of God's spirit; and it is known, from the recollection of her friends, as well as from her own subsequent testimony, that for a season, she daily attended to secret prayer, and to the study of the scriptures. These employments, however soon became irksome; and although she cheerfully complied with all the regulations of her father's household, in attendance upon the public ordinances of the gospel-in outward observance of the holy rest of the Sabbath, from its earliest dawn, until its closing hours assembled the family for religious instruction,-and in all external propriety of behaviour,-she ceased to seek for a saving knowledge of Christ as for "a pearl of great price."

In the summer of the year 1806, she attended Bradford Academy, an institution distant about half a mile from Haverhill, which has done much to improve and extend female education, and has been often and remarkably blessed by the spirit of God. Her instructor was the Rev. Mr. Burnham, whom she always afterwards regarded with peculiar gratitude, as one whose counsel had been greatly blessed to her good. Among her companions were many of the friends of her subsequent life; and one of them, Miss Hasseltine, (afterwards Mrs. Judson) was an associate in her last great enterprise.

It was now, when numerous pupils were assembled from various parts of the country, that at the attention of many was mercifully excited to the subject of religion; and they sought, with earnestness, the salvation of their souls. It is true there were many who could not be persuaded to pause in their ceaseless pursuit of pleasure; but the number of those whose hearts were affected was so great, as to spread over the institution a character of deep and solemn feeling, which was evident to the most careless observer. Few persons who visited the seminary during the summer, have forgotten the interesting scenes they witnessed at this favoured spot, when the attention of one and another of the pupils was called, for the first time, to consider the claims of their God and Saviour upon their youthful hearts.

The academy stands on the declivity of a hill, which slopes gradually to the Merrimack river, whose beautiful waters flow along at the distance of a few hundred yards. A narrow lane, shaded by fruit trees, leads from the street to the river bank. Here might be seen at the period of which we are speaking, little groups of scholars, generally of two or three, walking arm in arm, or sitting on the grass, against the stone walls, or more apart under the shade of an umbrella, earnestly communing together upon the means of securing their eternal welfare.

Harriet did not long remain an unaffected spectator of what was thus passing around her, but became deeply anxious concerning her own state. To her sister, who expressed her sorrow at seeing her so much distressed, she replied, "I only wish that I were more so." In another part of this volume, will be found her own narrative of this interesting period. After walking long in darkness, she at length saw and rejoiced in the "light of the knowledge of the glory of God." At that happy season, she said to an acquaintance, "I have found Christ. I felt assured that, if I sought him with my whole heart I should find him; and I have found him." Five years afterwards, referring to this period, she wrote thus:-"There was an hour, when the light of divine truth irradiated my benighted soul; when I could 'rejoice in the Lord, and joy in the God of my salvation';-I could willingly then, renounce the world; for it had lost its power to charm. How sweet was the idea of suffering for Jesus. How sweet to take a decided part in his cause."

Thus happy in the hope of having obtained forgiveness, she became earnestly solicitous, that all her companions might ask and receive the same blessing. On her returning one day from the academy, with a sad countenance, and her eyes filled with tears, her mother said to her, "Harriet, I thought you were always happy." She replied, "it is not for myself I have been weeping, but for my companions-to see them so thoughtless." Her efforts to awaken their attention to religious subjects, were constant and faithful. She would often invite them to walk with her in the neighbouring groves, and there attempt to persuade them to come to Jesus. The aged clergyman of Bradford, who saw her in her frequent walks, and knew the subject of her animated and affectionate conversation, said to a friend, "that child will do more to induce youth to come to Christ, than I can." The venerable Dr. Spring, of Newburyport, once meeting her, and two others, who had left their amusements to listen to her counsels, joined his endeavours to hers; and placing his hands upon their heads, said, "go to God, my dear children; go to God." These youthful labours for the cause of Christ were not unsuccessful. Several of her companions were persuaded to "go to God," and will never forget the young teacher, who was His apparent instrument in their conversion.

At this time she united with a number of her school-mates, children like herself, in a society for prayer and religious conversation. In their little meetings, they opened their minds freely to each other, and told what they had felt of the evil of sin, the wonders of the Saviour's love, and the joy and peace they had found in believing in his name, and trusting their souls in his hands.

As another means of religious improvement, she maintained, while at the academy, a familiar correspondence, in short notes, with some of her pious fellow students. The following extracts will show the state of her mind, and the nature of this correspondence.

"Dear L. I need your kind instructions now as much as ever. I should be willing to leave every thing for God; willing to be called by any name which tongue can utter, and to undergo any sufferings, if it would but make me humble, and be for his glory. Do advise me what I shall do for his glory. I care not for myself. Though he lay ever so much upon me, I would be content. Oh could I but recall this summer!-But it is past, never to return. I have one constant companion, the BIBLE, from which I derive the greatest comfort. This I intend for the future shall guide me.

"---Did you ever read Doddridge's Sermons to Young People? They are very beautiful sermons.-It appears strange to me why I am not more interested in the cause of Christ, when he has done so much for us! But I will form a resolution that I will give myself up entirely to him. Pray for me, that my heart may be changed. I long for the happy hour, when we shall be free from all sin and enjoy God in heaven. But if it would be for his glory, I should be willing to live my threescore years and ten.-My heart bleeds for our companions who are on the brink of destruction. In what manner shall I speak to them? But perhaps I am in the same way."

-"What did Paul and Silas say to the jailer? Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved. Let us do the same. Let us improve the accepted time, and make our peace with God. This day, my L., I have formed a resolution that I will devote the remainder of my life entirely to the service of my God. Write to me. Tell me my numerous outward faults; though you know not the faults of my heart, yet tell me all you know, that I may improve. I shall receive it as a token of love."

The following are selections from her Journal, which was commenced at the date of her first religious impressions, and continued, with very few intermissions, to her last sickness. For nearly half of this period, only a few fragments remain. When about to leave her home and country, she burned the larger part of her papers, and the residue were spared, only at the earnest intercession of her mother, that she would leave them with her as a memorial of an absent daughter.

Sept. 1, 1806. A large number of my companions of both sexes, with whom I have associated this summer, are in deep distress for their immortal souls. Many who were formerly gay and thoughtless are now in tears, anxiously inquiring what they shall do to be saved. Oh how rich is the mercy of Jesus!

Sept. 3. I have felt, the day past, unaccountably stupid. Can it be, that the children of God ever feel indifferent about the concerns of their souls? Oh no! they must always be "fired with faith, and winged with love"; and I am only a hypocrite. What shall I do to be saved!

Sept. 4. I have just parted with my companions, with whom I have spent three months at the Academy. I have felt a strong attachment to many of them, particularly to those who have been hopefully renewed the summer past. But the idea of meeting them in heaven, never more to bid them farewell, silenced every painful thought.

Sept. 10. Been indulged with the privilege of visiting a Christian friend this afternoon. Sweet indeed to my heart is the society of the friends of Immanuel. I never knew true joy until I found it in the exercise of religion.

Sept. 18. How great are the changes which take place in my mind in the course of one short day! I have felt deeply distressed for the depravity of my heart, and have been ready to despair of the mercy of Jehovah. But the light of divine truth has this evening irradiated my soul, and I have enjoyed such composure as I never knew before. Oh the goodness of God, to make me thus happy!

Sept. 20. This has been a happy day to me when conversing with a Christian friend upon the love of Jesus, I was lost in raptures. My soul rejoiced in the Lord, and joyed in the God of my salvation. A sermon preached by Mr. M. this evening has increased my happiness. This is too much for me, a sinful worm of the dust, deserving only eternal punishment.

Oct. 1. The words, which were made the means of my first religious impressions, have this day solemnly affected my mind-"Behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation!"

Oct. 6. The day on which Christ arose from the dead has again returned. How shall I spend it? Shall it be spent like departed Sabbaths, which are gone for ever? Oh how the recollection of misspent Sabbaths, embitters every present enjoyment! With pain do I remember the holy hours which were sinned away. Frequently did I repair to novels to shorten the irksome hours as they passed. Why was I not cut off in the midst of this my wickedness?

Oct. 7. I have had a little trial of my submission of heart to God. Have been afflicted with pain and sickness. These are useful monitors-they remind me of that hastening hour, when this frail tabernacle shall be dissolved. But health is an inestimable blessing; for sickness unfits us for the duties of life, and lessens our usefulness.

Oct. 10. Oh how much have I enjoyed of God this day! Such views of his holy character, such a desire to glorify his holy name, I never before experienced. Oh that this frame might continue through life!

"My willing soul would stay

In such a frame as this,

And sit and sing herself away

To everlasting bliss."

This is my birth day. Thirteen years of my short life have gone for ever.

Oct. 25. Permitted by my heavenly Father once more to hear the gospel's joyful sound. I have enjoyed greater happiness than tongue can describe. I have indeed been joyful in the house of prayer. Lord, let me dwell in thy presence for ever!

Nov. 2. How wonderful is the superabounding grace of God! Called at an early age to reflect upon my lost condition, and to accept of the terms of salvation, how great are my obligations to live a holy life.

Nov. 4. Examination at the Academy. I have bid my companions farewell. Though they are endeared to me by the strongest ties of affection, yet I must be separated from them, perhaps never to meet them more, till the resurrection morn. The season has been remarkable for those religious impressions which many of the scholars have felt. But the harvest is past, the summer is ended, and there are numbers who can say, we are not saved.

Nov. 14. With sensations, how different from what they formerly were, do I behold the returning Sabbath! "Welcome sweet day of rest!" Welcome indeed to me, is this blessed day, so peculiarly devoted to the service and worship of the Jehovah.

Dec. 8. This evening has been very pleasantly spent with my companions, H. and S.B. The attachment which commenced as it were in infancy, has been greatly strengthened since their minds have been religiously impressed. How differently are our evenings spent now from what they formerly were. How many evenings have I spent with them in thoughtless vanity and giddy mirth. Oh that we may now be united in the service of God.

Dec. 9. I have lately been visited with sickness. This dispensation has made the means of weaning me from the world, and of making me feel more sensibly my entire dependence on God. "It is good for me to be afflicted!"

Dec. 11. This morning has been devoted to the work of self-examination. Though I find within me an evil heart of unbelief, prone to depart from the living God, yet I have a hope, a strong and unwavering hope which I would not renounce for worlds. Bless the Lord, oh my soul, for this blessed assurance of eternal life.

Dec. 13. Derived much comfort and satisfaction from secret duties this morning. Prayer is the life of the Christian.

Jan. 5. I have had exalted thoughts of the character of God this day. I have ardently longed to depart and be with Jesus.

Jan. 9. How large a share of peace and joy has been mine this evening. The society of Christians delights and animates my heart. Oh how I love those who love my Redeemer.-I hope ere long to meet these decided followers of the Lamb in my heavenly Father's kingdom. Oh what anticipated felicity!

Feb. 2. The world has occupied more of my thoughts of late than formerly. But the love of Immanuel has left "an aching void the world can never fill." Oh when will these trifles, light as air, lose their power to please!

Feb. 3. I have felt an unaccountable stupidity to-day. Why is it thus? Am I a stranger to the sanctifying grace of God? Oh no! Jesus has done much for me.

Feb. 10. I long for clearer discoveries of the perfections of Jehovah. When shall I be with, and be like God! When shall I see Him, whom my soul loveth, without a veil between!

March 10. Humility has been the subject of my meditations this day. I find I have been greatly deficient in this Christian grace. Oh for that meek and lowly spirit which Jesus exhibited in the days of his flesh.

March 25. Little E.'s birth day. While reading of those children who cried Hosanna to the Son of David, when he dwelt on earth, I ardently wished that this dear child might be sanctified. She is not too young to be made a subject of Immanuel's kingdom.

April 7. Visited my dear Bradford friends,-found much comfort in their society. They tell me, that they likewise possess hearts which are naturally opposed to God.

April 9. Fast-day. What infinite reason have I to humble myself in the dust before God, confess my sins, and repent of them!

May 1. Where is the cross which Christians speak of so frequently? All that I do for Jesus is pleasant. Though perhaps I am ridiculed by the gay and thoughtless for my choice of religion, yet the inward comfort which I enjoy, doubly compensates for all this. I do not wish for the approbation and love of the world, neither for its splendour nor its riches. For one blest hour at God's right hand, I'll give them all away.

To her sister M. at Byfield.

Haverhill, Aug. 26, 1807

--"In what an important station you are placed! The pupils committed to your care will either add to your condemnation in the eternal world, or increase your everlasting happiness. At the tribunal of your Judge you will meet them, and there give an account of the manner in which you have instructed them.--Have you given them that advice which they greatly need? Have you instructed them in religion? Oh my sister! how earnest, how engaged ought you to be for their immortal welfare. Recollect, the hour is drawing near, when you and the young ladies committed to your care must appear before God. If you have invited them to come to the Saviour, and make their peace with him, how happy will you then be. But on the other hand, if you have been negligent; awful will be your situation. May the God of peace be with you, and make you happy while on earth. May we meet on the right hand of God, and spend our eternity in rejoicing in his favour. HARRIET ATWOOD."

In the summer of 1807, she became a member of Bradford Academy, and retained the same solicitude, as before, for her own religious, as well as mental improvement, and for the salvation of others. Here she formed an intimate friendship with Miss Fanny Woodbury, of Beverly, who, while at Bradford, received those religious impressions, and obtained that hope, which enabled her to adorn, through a short life, her Christian profession.

The following are specimens of Harriet's familiar letters to her.

-Bradford Academy, Sept. 1807.

"As we are candidates for eternity, how careful ought we to be, that religion be our principal concern. Perhaps this night our souls may be required of us--we may end our existence here and enter the eternal world. Are we prepared to meet our judge? Do we depend upon Christ's righteousness for acceptance? Are we convinced of our own sinfulness and inability to help ourselves? Is Christ's love esteemed more by us than the friendship of this world? Do we feel willing to take up our cross daily and follow Jesus? These questions, my dear Miss W. are important; and if we can answer them in the affirmative, we are prepared for God to require our souls of us when he pleases.

May the Spirit guide you, and an interest in the Saviour be given you.--Adieu.

HARRIET."

Bradford Academy, Sept. 11, 1807.

"As heirs of immortality, one would naturally imagine, we should strive to enter in at the strait gate, and use all our endeavours to be heirs of future happiness. But alas! how infinitely short do we fall of the duty we owe to God; and to our own souls! O my friend, could you look into my heart, what could you there find, but a sinful stupidity, and rebellion against God? But yet I dare to hope! O how surprising, how astonishing is the redemption which Christ has procured, whereby sinners may be reconciled to him, and through his merits dare to hope? O may his death animate us to a holy obedience. H.A."

Bradford Academy, Sept. 1807.

"How solemn, my dear Miss W. is the idea that we must soon part! Solemn as it is, yet what is it when compared with parting at the bar of God, and being separated through all eternity! Religion is worth our attention, and every moment of our lives ought to be devoted to its concerns. Time is short, but eternity is long; and when we have once plunged into that fathomless abyss, our situation will never be altered. If we have served God here and prepared for death, glorious will be our reward hereafter. But if we have not, our souls will be irrecoverably lost. Oh then let us press forward, and seek and serve the Lord. Favour me with frequent visits while we are together, and when we part let epistolary visits be constant. Adieu;

Yours, &c. HARRIET."

To the same.

Haverhill, April 20, 1808.

"This morning, my beloved Miss W. your kind epistle was handed me, in which you express a wish that it might find me engaged in the cause of God. Oh that your wish could be gratified! But let me tell you, I am still the same careless, inattentive creature. What in this world can we find capable of satisfying the desires of our immortal souls! Not one of the endowments, which are derived from any thing short of God, will avail us in the solemn and important hour of death. All the vanities, which the world terms accomplishments, will then appear of little value. Yes, my beloved companion, in that moment we shall find that nothing will suffice to hide the real nakedness of the natural mind, but the finished robe, in which the child of God shines with purest lustre, the Saviour's righteousness. Oh that we might, by the assistance of God, deck our souls in the all-perfect robe. Our souls are of infinite importance, and an eternity of misery, "where the worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched," awaits us, if we do not attend to their concerns. I should be happy, my friend, in visiting you this spring; but with reluctance I must decline your invitation. A dear and beloved parent is in a declining state of health, and we fear if indulgent heaven does not interpose, and stop the course of his sickness, death will deprive us of his society, and the grave open to receive him. Oh! that his life may be spared, and his health once more established, to cheer his family and friends. But in all these afflictive dispensations of God's providence, may it ever be my prayer, "not my will, O Lord, but thine be done."

I do not expect to attend Bradford Academy this summer. We shall have a school in H. which, with my parents' consent, I expect to attend. Do visit me this spring, my dear Miss W. Your letters are always received with pleasure. My best wishes for your present and eternal happiness attend you. I am yours, &c. H."

To Miss C.P. of Newburyport.

Haverhill, Feb. 16, 1808

"Dear C.--Since you left us, death has entered our family, and deprived us of an affectionate uncle. After lingering two days after you returned to your friends, he fell asleep, as we trust, in Jesus.

Oh, C. could you but have witnessed his dying struggles! Distress and anguish were his constant companions, till about ten minutes before his spirit winged his way to the eternal world; then he was deprived of speech, he looked upon us, closed his eyes, and expired. He would often say, "Oh, howI long for the happy hour's approach, when I shall find a sweet release; but not my will, but thine, O God, be done." When we stood weeping around his dying bed, he looked upon us, and said, "mourn not for me my friends, but mourn for yourselves." Oh my C. let us now be persuaded to lay hold on Jesus, as the only Saviour. If we trust in him for protection, he will preserve us in all the trying scenes of life; and, when the hour of dissolution shall come, we shall be enabled to give ourselves to him, and consign our bodies to the tomb with pleasure.

What a world is this! full of anxiety and trouble! My dear father is very feeble; a bad cough attends him, which we fear will prove fatal. What a blessing, my friend, are parents! Let us attend to their instructions and reproofs while we possess them, and when death shall separate us, we may not have to regret that we were undutiful. While we do every thing we can to make them happy, let us remember that it is God alone can compensate them for their labours of love. Far distant be the hour when either of us shall be called to mourn the loss of our dear parents.

Do, my dear C. write to me; tell me if this world does not appear more and more trifling to you. May the sweet influences of the Holy Spirit, be shed abroad in your heart. Oh, may happiness attend you in this vale of tears, and may you be conducted to the haven of eternal rest. Accept the wish of your ever affectionate HARRIET."

To Miss C.P. of Newburyport.

Haverhill, April 24, 1808.

"Accept, my dear C. my kindest acknowledgments, for your last affectionate epistle, in the perusal of which, I had the most pleasing sensations. You observed, your contemplations had frequently dwelt on those hours we spend in each other's society, while at Bradford Academy; and that you regretted the misimprovement of them. Alas! how many hours have we spent in trifling conversation, which will avail us nothing. Let our imaginations often wing their way back to those hours which can never be recalled.

"'Tis greatly wise to talk with our past hours

And ask them what report they've borne to heaven,

And how they might have borne more welcome news."

Will the recollection of the moments that are now speeding their flight, afford satisfaction at the last? Oh that we might improve our time and talents to the glory of God, that the review of them may be pleasing.

You ask me to write to you, and to write something that will awaken you from stupidity. I would my dear C., but I am in the same careless state.

My father still remains in a critical condition. Permit me to request an interest in your prayers for him; but be assured, there is none they will be more serviceable to than your friend,

HARRIET."

After the death of her uncle, mentioned in a preceding letter, she was called by Providence to witness the rapid decline of an affectionate, and much beloved father, and, on the eighth of May, to weep over the lifeless body, from which his undying spirit had peaceful departed. The sorrows of a family, over the grave of such a parent, could admit but one consolation; that which ever flows from an humble submission to the will of God. Such is the language of his epitaph:-

"Beneath this stone, till Christ shall bid him rise,

A much loved husband, father, brother, lies:

In vain were tears; Death came at Heaven's command:

Cease, then, each murmur at the Sovereign hand."

It is a circumstance deeply cherished in the recollection of his children, that almost the last act of their lamented father was to call Mrs. A. to his bedside, and to express to her the consolation it gave him in that solemn hour, to remember that he had, while in health, sought for his offspring the favour and blessing of Him who could never die.

To Miss F.W. of Beverly.

Haverhill, May 24, 1808.

"In the late trying and afflictive scene of God's providence, which I have been called to pass through, I have flattered myself that the tenderest sympathy has been awakened in the heart of my beloved F. Oh my friend, this is a scene peculiarly trying to me. How much do my circumstances require every divine consolation and direction, to make this death a salutary warning to me. The guardian of my tender years, my father, my nearest earthly friend, where is he? The cold clods of the valley cover him, and the worms feed upon his cold and lifeless body. Can it be, that I am left fatherless? heart-rending reflection! Oh my dear, dear Miss W. May you never be left to mourn the loss, which I now experience. Oh, that your parents may be spared to you, and you ever honour them, and be a blessing to them, even in their declining years.

Glance a thought on nine fatherless children, and a widowed and afflicted mother! But if we are fatherless, O may we never be friendless. May He who has promised to be the father of the fatherless, and the widow's God, enable us to rely upon him, and receive grace to help in this time of need; and although the present affliction is not joyous, but grievous, oh that it may be instrumental in working out a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.

Do come and see me--I long once more to embrace my friend, and tell her what I owe her for all her favours. Adieu, my beloved Miss W. Receive this as a token of renewed affection from your

HARRIET."

The loss of that part of her journal, renders it impossible to present a full picture of her heart, during several succeeding months. According to her own account, hereafter given, she lost, during this period, as, alas! too many young Christians do, the ardour of her first love. The situation of the church at Haverhill, destitute of a regular and faithful pastor, and the worldly character of the surrounding society, were the chief apparent causes of this unhappy declension.

Of this part of her life, one friend testifies, that "she appeared gradually to lose her fondness for retirement, and her delight in the Scriptures; and associated more freely with her former gay companions. But nothing was manifested, which afforded any just ground for suspecting the sincerity of her religion." Another states, that "though thus mingling with gayer associates, she still met Christians with the same glow of affection, and sought their company with much interest." Her own estimate of the state of her heart and conduct during this season of darkness, with her deep repentance, and happy restoration, will be found in the following pages.

1809.--July 1. God has been pleased, in infinite mercy, again to call up my attention to eternal realities. After spending more than a year, engaged in the vanities of the world, thoughtless and unconcerned respecting my eternal welfare; he has, as I humbly trust, showed me my awful backslidings from him, and my dependence upon his grace for every blessing.

I do now, in the strength of Jesus, resolve that I will no longer sacrifice my immortal soul for what I have hitherto deemed my temporal happiness. O that I might be enabled to come out from the world, and to profess Christ as my Redeemer before a gazing but unaffected multitude. I now see, that I have enjoyed no happiness in my pursuits of pleasure. Not in the play-room--not in the vain and idle conversation of my companions--not in the bustle of a crowded life, have I found happiness. This heaven-born guest is found only in the bosom of the child of Jesus. How awfully aggravated will be my condemnation, if I do not, after this second call, awaken all my drowsy faculties, and become earnestly engaged for God. I have now more reason than ever to serve him; and if I do not attend to his precious invitations, he perhaps may swear in his wrath, that I shall never "enter his rest."

July 2. With what motives have I entered the house of God this day? I have heard two excellent sermons preached by our beloved pastor; and he administered the sacrament in a solemn and affecting manner. The exercises recalled to my memory the happy moments I once enjoyed, when I thought nothing would deter me from solemnly taking the covenant vows upon me, and joining myself with God's children. But I have not kept the commandments of Christ as I ought. May I now resolve to glorify him in my obedience!

July 4. I have called this day on one of my companions, with whom I was formerly very intimate. I longed to tell her, her dangerous situation, and to entreat her to flee for safety to the rock, Christ Jesus. But a "secret something" forbade. O that I had but a heart to tell my companions the danger of delaying repentance!

July 5. How engaged in the world I have been this morning! Did I think, a few days since, that I should so soon forget my duty to God! How important it is, that we keep close to Jesus, and in Him place all our safety! He is able to keep us from falling, and to bring us faultless before his presence in the heavenly world. Why then should we not put our trust in him?

July 7. A black man called in the evening, who appears to be a child of Jesus. God is no respecter of persons. He will glorify himself in all his children, however different their colours, or their circumstances.

July 10. How foolishly, how wickedly have I spent this day! What have I done for God? Nothing I fear. O how many misspent days shall I have to answer for at the tribunal of a holy Judge! Then how does it become me to set a watch upon my behaviour; as one that must shortly give an account to God. O thou blessed Jesus, grant thy assistance, that I may live as I ought.

July 16. Sabbath morn. Solemnly impressed with a sense of my duty to God, I entered his holy courts this morning. What am I, that I should be blessed with the gospel's joyful sound, while so many are now perishing in heathen darkness for lack of the knowledge of Christ.

Sabbath eve. I have now offered myself to the church of God, and have been assisted by him. Perhaps they will not receive me; but, O God, wilt thou accept me through a mediator.

I have now let my companions see, I am not ashamed of Jesus. O that I might not dishonour the cause I am now about professing. In Christ alone will I put my trust, and rely entirely on his righteousness for the pardon of my aggravated transgressions.

July 17. Have spent the day at home. I think I have enjoyed something of God's presence. Felt a disposition, frequently to call upon him by prayer and supplication.

July 18. At this late hour, when no one beholdeth me but God, how solemnly--how sincerely ought I to feel engaged for him?

The family are retired to rest. The darkness and silence of the night, and the reflection that the night of death will soon overtake me, conspire to affect my mind. What have I done this day for God? Have I lived as a stranger and pilgrim on the earth; as one that must soon leave this world and go to "that bourn from whence no traveller returns?"

Oh that I were more engaged for God--more engaged to promote his cause, in the midst of a perverse generation.

July 20. This evening, I had a most solemn meeting with one of my dear and most intimate companions. I warned her in the most expressive language of my heart, to repent. She appeared affected. I left her, and after returning home, I trust, I was enabled to commend her to the God of infinite mercy, and to pray earnestly for her conviction and conversion.

July 22. Was informed that __________ appeared serious and unusually affected. Oh that God might work a work of grace in his heart, and enable him to resign all earthly vanities, for an interest in the great Redeemer. He has talents, which, if abused, will only add to his everlasting condemnation. O thou God of infinite mercy, thou who has had pity on me, show him mercy, and awaken him to a sense of his situation, before the things that concern his peace, are hid for ever from his eyes.

July 26. Sabbath day. Arose this morning but little impressed with a sense of the duties before me, upon this holy day. My health obliged me to decline going to the house of God in the morning. But I think I could say, it was good for me to be afflicted. God was graciously pleased to assist me in calling upon his name, and permitted me to wrestle with him in prayer for the prosperity of Zion, and for the conversion of sinners. I felt a desire that every one of my friends might be brought to a knowledge of the truth. This afternoon I have attended meeting, and heard a most excellent sermon preached by Mr. W. from Matt. xxvi. 6--13. He passed the Sabbath with us, and gave us excellent instructions. But of what use are advice and religious conversation to me, if I do not improve them as I ought? These instructions will rise up in judgment against me, and condemn me, if I am not indeed a child of God. Oh for a heart to love God more, and live more to his glory. How can I hope to enter that heavenly rest, prepared for the people of Jesus, when I so often transgress his laws?

July 29. Past eleven o'clock--the family have retired to rest, and I still remain writing. But what shall I say of myself? Shall I say, I have spent this day as I ought? I have been blessed with privileges greater than I deserve, greater than I improve. Two dear Christian friends spent the day with us. If I know my own heart, I do love the society of the children of God. If I do not, I know not what I love. I recounted the exercises of my mind, and found a pleasing satisfaction in telling what God had done for me. Blessed be his name, that I have the least reason to hope, that I am indeed brought out of darkness into his marvellous light.

August 5. How solemn, how important a transaction it is, publicly to profess religion. And now, what are my feelings in respect to this great duty? I am about to take the vows of a holy God upon me. I am about to bind myself to him by an everlasting covenant. O that I may do it with a serious, humble, and sincere heart!

Aug. 6. Lord's Day Morning. Upon this sacred morning, oh that the Holy Spirit of God would enliven and animate my cold and stupid affections. Oh that I might this day enter his earthly courts, worship him in an acceptable manner, profess his name before a scoffing world, sit down at his table, and partake in faith, of the body and blood of Jesus.

Sabbath eve. And now I have entered into the most solemn engagement to be the Lord's I have confessed Christ before the world--I have renounced my wicked companions--I have solemnly promised, that denying ungodliness and every worldly lust, I will live soberly, righteously, and godly in this present world. If I should, after taking these solemn vows and covenant engagements upon me, dishonour the cause of my Redeemer--if I should give the enemies of religion reason to say there is nothing in religion--If I should again return to my former courses, and live as one that had never professed faith in Jesus--oh how dreadfully aggravated will be my condemnation! What excuse could I render at the tribunal of a just Judge? My mouth would be stopped, and I should plead guilty before him. How then does it become me to watch and pray, lest the devices of Satan, the world, or my own remaining corruptions, should lead me into temptation.

In thee, oh God, do I put my trust; from thee do I hope to obtain mercy in the day of retribution.

Aug. 10. How stupid, how cold I grow! Where is that fervour--that zeal--that animation I ought to have, after profession to know and receive Jesus as my Redeemer? How alluring are the vanities of time! How prone my heart to wander from God! How ready to engage in the trifles of this wicked world! Descend, thou Holy Spirit--Breathe into my soul a flame of ardent love; let not my affections wander from the one, and only thing that is needful.

To Miss F.W. of Beverly.

Haverhill, Aug. 1809--Sabbath morn.

"A few moments of this sacred morning shall be devoted to my beloved Miss. W. After discontinuing, for so long a time, our correspondence, I again address you. By the endearing title of a friend, I again attempt to lay open my heart before you. But what shall I say? Shall I tell you, that since I last saw you, I have made great progress in divine grace? To you, my ever dear friend, will unbosom my heart; to you will I describe my feelings. Yes; I will tell you what God has done for my soul. About six weeks since he was pleased, in infinite mercy, again to call up my attention to the concerns of my soul; again to show me the evil of my ways. I have now publicly professed my faith in him. I have taken the vows of the covenant upon me, and solemnly surrendered myself to him, eternally. Oh Miss W.! should I now be left to dishonour this holy cause, what would be my eternal condemnation! O pray for me. Entreat God to have mercy upon me, and keep me from falling. After I left you at the Academy, I by degrees grew more and more neglectful of serious and eternal realities. When I review the past year of my life; when I reflect upon the wound I have brought upon the blessed religion of Jesus, I am constrained to cry, why has God extended his mercy to the vilest of the race of Adam? Why has he again showed favour to me, after I have so wickedly abused his precious invitations, and grieved his holy spirit? It is God, who is rich in mercy, abundant in goodness, and of great compassion, that has done these things, as I trust, for me. How can I be too much engaged for him, too much conformed to his holy will, after these abundant manifestations of his love and mercy. O that I could spend my few remaining days as I ought, even entirely devoted to the delightful service of the dear Redeemer.

HARRIET ATWOOD."

CHAPTER II

Extracts from her journal, continued--Review of her religious experience--Reading society--Singing school--Dangerous illness--Byfield Academy

The following summary account of her religious exercises, was found among her papers.

"A review of past religious experience I have often found useful and encouraging. On this account I have written down the exercises of my mind, hoping that, by frequently reading them, I may be led to adore the riches of sovereign grace, praise the Lord for his former kindness to me, and feel encouraged to persevere in a holy life.

"The first ten years of my life were spent in vanity. I was entirely ignorant of the depravity of my heart, and of the necessity of regeneration. The summer that I entered my eleventh year, I attended a dancing school. My conscience would sometimes tell me, that my time was foolishly spent; and though I had never heard it intimated, that such amusements were criminal, I could not rest, until I had solemnly determined that, when the school closed, I would immediately become religious. But these resolutions were not carried into effect. Although I attended every day to secret prayer, and read the Bible with greater attention than before; yet I soon became weary of these exercises, and by degrees, omitted entirely the duties of the closet. When I entered my thirteenth year, I was sent, by my parents, to the Academy at Bradford. A revival of religion commenced in the neighbourhood, which in a short time spread into the school. A large number of the young ladies were anxiously inquiring, what they should do to inherit eternal life. I began to inquire what these things meant. My attention was solemnly called to the concerns of my immortal soul; and I was a stranger to hope. I feared the ridicule of my gay companions, but, more than all, the displeasure of an angry judge. My heart was opposed to the character of God, and I felt that, if I continued an enemy to his government, I must eternally perish. My convictions of sin were not so pungent and distressing, as many have had; but they were of long continuance. God, in his providence, inclined the hearts of my parents to favour the work, and they treated me with the greatest kindness and attention. But it was more than three months before I was brought to cast my soul on the Saviour of sinners, and rely on him alone for salvation. The ecstasies, which many new-born souls possess, were not mine. But if I was not lost in rapture on reflecting upon what I had escaped, I was filled with a sweet peace, a heavenly calmness, which I never can describe. The honours, applauses, and titles of this vain world appeared like trifles light as air. The character of Jesus appeared infinitely lovely, and I could say with the Psalmist, "whom have I in heaven but thee!" The awful gulf which I had escaped, filled me with astonishment. My gay associates were renounced, and the friends of Jesus became my chosen friends. The destitute, broken state of the church at Haverhill prevented me from openly professing my faith in Jesus; but it was a privilege which I longed to enjoy.

But alas! these seasons so precious, did not long continue. Soon was I led to exclaim--O that I were as in months past! My zeal for the cause of religion almost insensibly abated; while this vain world engrossed my affections, which had been consecrated to my Redeemer. My Bible, once so lovely, was entirely neglected. Novels and romances engaged my thoughts, and hour after hour was foolishly, sinfully devoted to the perusal of them. The company of Christians became, by degrees, irksome and unpleasant. I sometimes endeavoured to shun them. The voice of conscience would frequently whisper, "all is not right." Many a sleepless night have I passed after a day of vanity and sin. But such conflicts did not bring me home to the fold, from which I, like a stray lamb, had wandered far away. A religion, which was intimately connected with the amusements of the world, and the friendship of those who are at enmity with God, would have suited well my depraved heart. But my heart told me that the religion of the gospel was vastly different. It exalts the Creator, while it humbles the creature in the dust.

"Such was my awful situation! I lived only to would the cause of my ever blessed Saviour. Weep, oh my soul! when contemplating and recording these sins of my youth. Be astonished at the long-suffering of Jehovah!--How great a God is our God!--The deaths of a beloved parent, and uncle, had but little effect on my hard heart. Though these afflictions moved my passions, they did not lead me to the fountain of consolation, which ever runneth free. But God, who is rich in mercy, did not leave me here! He had prepared my heart to receive his grace, and he glorified the riches of his mercy, by determining to carry on the work. I was providentially invited to visit a friend in Newburyport. I complied with the invitation. I heard the celebrated Dr. G. preach two sermons. They were evangelical, and calculated to promote genuine piety. His eloquence charmed me; but the gospel which he preached, was not received as "glad tidings." The evening previous to my return home, I heard the Rev. Mr. Mac F. It was the 28th of June, 1809. How did the truths which he delivered sink deep into my inmost soul! My past transgressions rose like mountains before me. The most poignant anguish seized my mind; my carnal security fled; and I felt myself a guilty transgressor, naked before a holy God. Mr. Burnham returned with me the next day to Haverhill. Never, no, never, while memory retains her seat in my breast, shall I forget the affectionate manner in which he addressed me. His conversations had the desired effect. I then made the solemn resolution, as I trust, in the strength of Jesus, that I would make a sincere dedication of my all to my Creator, both for time and eternity. This resolution produced a calm serenity and composure, to which I had long been a stranger. How lovely the way of salvation then appeared! O how lovely was the character of the Saviour! The duty of professing publicly on which side I was, now impressed my mind. I came forward, and offered myself to the church; was accepted, and received into communion with him at his table, August 6, 1809. This was a precious season, long to be remembered!--O the depth of sovereign grace! Eternity will be too short to celebrate the perfections of God.

August 27, 1809. Harriet Atwood."

___________

Aug. 28. I awoke last night, and spent a most delightful hour in contemplating divine truth. The words of David flowed sweetly through my mind, "In the multitude of my thoughts within me, thy comforts delight my soul." Most willingly would I resign all earthly pleasures--for one such hour in communion with my God.

Sept. 1. This evening our pastor, and some of the brethren of the church, met for the purpose of establishing conferences, and consulting on the best method of conducting them. They have concluded to meet every Thursday evening. O God! do thou meet with us, and in mercy hear the prayers of thy children, which continually ascend to thy throne, and send answers of peace and salvation. Is not the time, the set time to favour Zion come? Descend, thou great Immanuel, revive thy work in this place, and cause thy Zion here to rejoice, while seeing many thronging her solemn feasts.

Sept. 3. This day, unworthy and vile as I am, I have been permitted to commemorate the dying love of our once crucified, but now ascended Jesus. I think I have felt some love to God; I was enabled to gain near access to his mercy seat. "Hope thou in God, for I shall yet praise him!"

Sept. 25. Mr. D. addressed us from these words, "Be still, and know that I am God!" A sudden and remarkable death, occurring the last week, was the cause of his selecting this subject. Thus one is called after another, and I am spared! Why is it thus? Am I spared a little longer to fill the measure of my iniquities, or to be made more prepared for the enjoyment of the celestial world? Thou, oh Searcher of hearts, alone knowest! May I be more diligent in the great work assigned to me, that, when the night of death shall come, I may have the pleasing satisfaction of reviewing my work as done, and well done.

Sept. 29. Mr. T. preached our preparatory lecture this afternoon. Text, "Jesus answered and said, My kingdom is not of this world." Examined myself strictly by this question; Am I indeed a real member of Christ's kingdom? If I am--why are my affections so languid--my heart so cold--my desires so few, for the enlargement of Christ's kingdom? Why is my heart so prone to leave God? Why am I so interested in the concerns of time and sense--and why are the important concerns of my soul so little regarded? Decide, dearest Jesus, the doubtful case. If I never yet have tasted and seen that thou art gracious, O let me now, before it be for ever too late.

Attended our conference this evening. I think I enjoyed what the world can neither give nor take away.

Sept. 30. How inestimable the blessing of a sincere, a pious friend! Drank tea with Mrs. M. In the most friendly manner, she spoke of my former conduct, and tenderly reproved me for an incident which occurred the past day. I acknowledged my fault--confessed my obligations to her for her advice, and sensibly felt the importance of watchfulness and prayer, that I might be kept from entering into temptation. May the review of my former life, serve to humble me in the dust before God, and make me more active than ever in his blessed service. Awaken, oh God, my sluggish spirit, and make me more faithful to thee, to the world, and to my own soul.

Oct 7. Another week has rolled away, and my probationary existence is still lengthened out. But to what purpose do I live? Why am I supported in this world of hope, when I am daily transgressing the laws of a holy God, and grieving his blessed Spirit? Astonishing grace! Wonderful compassion, that still prolongs my days after such rebellion! spare me, O my God, spare me yet a little longer, and by thy grace enable me to do some little work in thy vineyard.

Oct. 9. I have just formed a solemn resolution of devoting one part of every day to fervent cries to God for a near and dear friend. Who knows but my Father in heaven will lend a listening ear to the voice of my supplications, and touch her heart with convicting and converting grace! If so, I cannot intercede too often, or too earnestly, for her.

Oct. 10. Am I only a stranger and pilgrim on this earth? Must I shortly appear, and render my account, before the tribunal of a sin-hating, and sin-avenging judge? Yes--this must be my situation. What will become of my naked soul, if destitute of the robe of the Saviour's righteousness? Wash me, oh my Redeemer, in thy blood; clothe me with thy spotless robe.

Oct. 12. Attended another of our conferences. But how stupid have I felt this evening! It is perfectly just that I have not enjoyed the light of God's countenance; for I had no heart to ask him, to make the evening profitable to my own soul, or to the souls of others.

Prayer is the breath of the Christian; when that is omitted, farewell to enjoyment.

Thus truly did this young Christian mourn upon the first discovery that her love to her Saviour was abating. What a lesson to those who have long professed themselves followers of the Lord Jesus, and who are contented to have weeks, and months, and years pass away, without any present evidence that all is well with their souls!
 
 

To Miss F.W. of Beverly

Haverhill, Oct. 12, 1809

Yesterday afternoon I attended a lecture in the Academy at Bradford. The emotions which vibrated in my mind, while sitting in this seminary of learning, I cannot describe. Imagination recalled those scenes which I had witnessed in that place. That season was a precious one to many souls, when the Spirit of God moved among us, and compelled sinners to tremble and earnestly inquire what they should do to inherit eternal life. But those days are past. No more do I hear my companions exclaiming, "Who can dwell with devouring fire? Who can inherit everlasting burnings?" No more do I hear souls, who for years have been under the bondage of sin, exclaim, "Come, and I will tell you what God hath done for me." He has, I hope, "delivered me from the horrible pit and miry clay, has established my goings, and put a new song into my mouth, even praise to his name." But under these general declensions from the truth of the Gospel, still the "Lord doeth all things well." He will revive his work in his own time. He will repair the waste places of Zion, and sinners will again flock unto him as clouds, and as doves to their windows. And blessed be his name, he makes his children the honoured instruments in building up his kingdom. Let us, then my dear Miss W. exert all our faculties to promote his cause. Let us warn sinners of their danger, and walk worthy of the vocation wherewith we are called. Wishing you the light of God's countenance, I beg you adieu. HARRIET."

Oct. 15. This holy morning, I would carefully examine my heart, and know, whether I do indeed love the Sabbath and the sanctuary of the Lord. Which is most my delight, the place of worldly pleasure, or the sanctuary of Jehovah, where his servants solemnly tell us of the depravity of our hearts, of our distance from God, of our need of a Saviour, of the eternal state of the finally impenitent, and of the joys prepared in heaven for those who love the Lord Jesus?

Oct. 19. Drank tea with mother, at Mrs. C's. A conference there in the evening. Mr. Dodge paraphrased the Lord's prayer, and was enabled to pray fervently to his divine master, for the revival of religion in this place. As for myself, I felt stupid--could easily trace the cause of my feelings. Had no opportunity, this day, of pouring out my soul to God in prayer. My mother insisted on my accompanying her to Mrs. C.'s; I did; though with as great reluctance as ever I obeyed a command of her's.

I know, by experience, that no opportunities for improvement do me any good, unless the divine blessing is previously requested.

"Restraining prayer, we cease to fight,

Prayer makes the Christian's armour bright;

And Satan trembles when he sees

The weakest saint upon his knees."

Oct. 20. Youth and beauty are no shield against the shafts of death. Once, E. could boast of these; now, her voice is silent in death, and the cold clods of the valley cover her. But her spirit, has returned to the Being who gave it. O then let us leave her with Him who worketh all things after the counsels of his own will; and let it be my work to prepare to follow her to the house appointed for all the living.

Oct. 21. This day, God in infinite mercy has seen fit to grant me near access to his mercy seat. I have been enabled to call upon his name, and to plead with him for his spiritual Jerusalem. O that he would hear and accept my feeble petitions, and answer them for his own name's sake.

Oct. 23. Have just returned from our reading society; and feel condemned for my gaiety and light conduct, before my companions. Have nothing this evening to satisfy the desires of my soul. Greatly fear that I have brought a wound upon the cause of the blessed Immanuel. O that I might be enabled to glorify God, by my future devotedness; and constantly to live as one born of Him.

Oct. 27. Two servants of Jesus Christ called upon us this afternoon; Mr. W. and Mr. E. Their conversation was very interesting and instructive. Mr. W. informed us of the serious attention, that appeared to be commencing at Andover. O that Jehovah would pour down his Spirit there. O that he would ride from conquering to conquer, and make not only A. a place of his power, but Haverhill also. Arise, blessed Jesus! plead thine own cause, and have mercy upon Zion. Now, when iniquity aboundeth, and the love of many is waxing cold; now, when men are making void thy law, and grieving thy Holy Spirit; now arise; build up thy spiritual Jerusalem, and let her no longer mourn, "because so few come to her solemn feasts."

Oct. 30. Have just returned from our reading society. Have nothing to complain of this evening, but my gaiety and lightness. Ramsay's Life of Washington was read. The meeting was very regular and orderly. Sincerely wish it may be the means of improving our minds in the knowledge of our own and other countries. And oh, that from a knowledge of the world which God has made, our minds might be led to the Creator.

Oct. 31. Have spent this day prayerless and stupid. "O that I were as in months past," when I felt a spirit of prayer, for the interests of Zion, and for the salvation of immortal souls.

Nov. 1. We have spent this evening in singing. What a happy effect does music produce upon the mind. As we have reason to believe it is a great part of the employment of those holy beings in the celestial kingdom of God, how does it become the saints on earth, while wandering through this state of vicissitudes and trial, to unite their feeble voices, and sing the praises of Jehovah! Lord, teach me so to sing, and feel thy glory; and when my journey on earth is ended, oh may I sing in exalted strains, the song of Moses and the Lamb, on the shores of a blessed immortality!

Nov. 5. I have again sitten at the table of the Lord. Great, unspeakably great are the privileges, with which God is blessing me. O that they may not add to my condemnation in the day, when the world shall be judged, and every one receive a reward for the deeds done in the body.--This evening, I have had some conversation with Miss____. She expressed herself to this purpose: "I do not enjoy the light of God's countenance: I go mourning all the day." She requested an interest in my supplications at the throne of almighty grace. On my return, I found freedom in prayer, in presenting her case before the physician of souls. Oh that Jehovah would speak peace to her troubled spirit, and grant her the healing balm of divine consolation!--But while those who appear to live as the children of God, are mourning the vileness of their hearts, what can I say of myself? Instead of growing in grace and in the knowledge of Jesus, I am more and more engaged in the vanities of time and sense, backwards in the performance of duty, and cold and lifeless in the concerns of my soul. Dreadful consideration! Yet, I do not mourn my vileness as I ought, but still live at an infinite distance from my Saviour. Thy grace, O Lord, alone can revive thy work, and make me again to rejoice in thy glory!

Nov. 6. Our reading society met this evening. Have just returned home; find little or no satisfaction in the review. Although the company were light and gay, I pitied them; and in my heart commended them to God. But I fear I countenanced them, and gave them reason to say of me, "what do you more than others?" Possessed naturally of such a rude and ungovernable disposition, I sometimes find it difficult to keep within proper bounds. Often does my heart condemn me for my trifling conduct; conscience reproaches; and frequently I am led to the conclusion that I will no more leave the residence of my mother--have no more to do with the world; but seclude myself, and spend the few remaining days entirely devoted to the best of beings. But this will not be following the example of the blessed Jesus. No, while I am in the world, let it be my constant endeavour, to do all the good I can to my fellow mortals--to rise above its frowns and flatteries, and give no occasion for any reproach to be brought upon the cause of religion.

Nov. 7. I called on Mrs. S. this afternoon. Her symptoms are of the most alarming kind; and I think she cannot much longer remain in this world. But she appears as one triumphing over death and the grave. She is entirely resigned to the will of God; willing to go, at her Father's call, or stay, if he has any more work for her to perform. Happy being! How willingly would I be in her situation. She told me, that, when her friends informed her that she was drawing near her dissolution, it rather exhilarated, than depressed her spirits. She could say, with humble submission, "Not my will, but thine be done." May her evidences continue still to brighten, and her prospects of futurity become yet more glorious.

Cousin J. left us this morning. We shall sincerely regret his absence. But God can preserve him, and give him the light of his countenance, on the sea, as well as on the land. May he, who holdeth the mighty waters in his hand, be his guide, his counsellor, his friend!

Nov. 8. My dear friend, and, as I humbly trust, my spiritual father, Mr. B. called upon us a few moments. He expects to preach for Mr. D. next Sabbath. On seeing him, I could not but recall the many different scenes that passed while under his instructions. But these scenes remain in remembrance only. No more I hear my companions exclaiming, "What shall I do to inherit eternal life." No more, I hear them telling to all around them, what the Redeemer has done for their souls. That was indeed a precious season to many, and will be remembered with joy to all eternity. But to some, the privileges of that season will, I fear, be the means of sinking them lower in eternal torments!--Dreadful thought!

Nov. 10. I have this day been led seriously to read, and, as I humbly trust, to renew my covenant engagements. How far short I have fallen of fulfilling those solemn vows, which I once publicly made to Jehovah! In what way shall I atone for my past ingratitude, my criminal engagedness in the affairs of a world of pleasure and dissipation! Thou, oh blessed Immanuel, canst wash away my guilt.

Nov. 28. My heavenly Father has kindly protected me another night, and brought me to view another rising sun, blessed with health and strength, and given me another opportunity of paying to him my morning tribute of praise and thankfulness. How easily might he have cut the brittle thread of life; and I, instead of beholding the light of this morning, have awakened in the eternal world!

_______________

To Miss C.F. of Boston.

Haverhill.

"Pardon, dear C. the long silence of your friend Harriet. Although I have omitted answering your affectionate epistle, my heart has been often with you. Yes C. often have I fancied seeing you engaged to promote the cause of the blessed Immanuel, solemnly renouncing the vanities of an alluring world, and acting the decided part of a child of God. Oh may you be enabled to follow on to know the Lord, and constantly live as a disciple of the meek and lowly Jesus. I sincerely and ardently wish you the aids of the Holy Spirit, and a heart habitually conformed to the holy character of God. Great and precious are the promises which an infinitely merciful Jehovah has made in his word, to those who persevere in well doing. But how great the guilt, and how aggravated must be the condemnation of those, who are often reproved, and yet harden their hearts against God!

While we hear the denunciation of God's wrath to the finally impenitent, let us, my friend, be active to secure an interest in his favour. Then, let what will befall us in this life, our souls will rest safe on the Rock of ages; Jesus will be our guide and friend through earth's tedious pilgrimage.

HARRIET ATWOOD."

_______________

To Miss F.W. of Beverly.

Haverhill, Sabbath eve--Nov. 26, 1809.

"I have this moment received, dear Miss W. your inestimable letter, in which you affectionately congratulate me on the happiness of "tasting that the Lord is gracious."

Assailed by temptations, surrounded with the gay and thoughtless, and with but few of the humble followers of the Lamb, to guide me in the path of duty, or to instruct me in the great things of the kingdom, what feelings do I experience, when receiving from my beloved friend a letter, filled not only with assurances of continued affection, but with encomiums upon the character of the dear Immanuel, as "being the chief among ten thousand, and altogether lovely." Often does my heart glow with gratitude to the parent of mercies, for bestowing on me such a favour as one friend, to whom I can disclose the secret recesses of my heart, and with whom I can converse upon the important doctrines of the gospel, and an eternal state of felicity prepared for those, whose "robes have been washed and made white in the blood of the Lamb."

Have you not, my friend, often felt, when conversing upon these great truths, a flame of divine love kindle in your heart; and have you not solemnly resolved, that you would live nearer to the blessed Jehovah?

I have this day been permitted to worship God in his earthly courts. How unspeakably great are the privileges with which we are indulged in this land of gospel light! The Sabbath before last, Mr. B. exchanged with Mr. D. Oh, my beloved Miss W. could you have heard the important truths he preached,--the impressive manner in which he held forth the terrors of God to the impenitent, and the necessity of immediate repentance, surely, it must to you have been a blessed season. But it had no visible effect upon the minds of the people here. A dreadful inattention to religion still prevails. The youth are very thoughtless and gay;--"iniquity abounds, and the love of many waxes cold." But there are, as I humbly trust, a pious few, who are daily making intercession at the throne of grace for the prosperity of Zion.

What encouragement have we, my dear friend, to wrestle at the throne of mercy, for renewing and sanctifying grace for ourselves, and the whole Israel of God; even in times of the greatest declension. Jehovah hath promised, that he will hear the prayers of his children; and that if offered up in sincerity of heart, he will, in his own time, send gracious answers.

Next Friday evening, it being the evening after Thanksgiving, a ball is appointed in this place. I think it probable that _____, whom you once saw anxiously inquiring what she should do to inherit eternal life, will attend. Oh my beloved friend, you cannot know my feelings. It is dreadful to see mortals, bound to eternity, spending their lives with no apparent concern about their never dying souls. But it is, if possible, more dreadful to see those, who have put their hands to the plough, look back, or being often reproved, harden their hearts against God.

I could, my dear Miss W., write you all night, but a violent head-ache has attended me this day, and wearied nature requires repose. I sincerely thank you for the affectionate invitation you have given me to visit you. I wish it were possible for me to comply with your request; perhaps I may this winter; but I shall not place much dependence upon it, as everything is so uncertain. Do, my friend, visit Haverhill--I long to see you; but if Providence has determined we shall never meet again in this world, oh, may we meet in our heavenly Father's kingdom, and never more endure a separation.--In haste, I am, &c. yours, H."

Dec. 7. "Lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from evil." How much reason I have to adopt this petition, taught us by the blessed Saviour! I cannot--cannot be too watchful--too prayerful.

Dec. 12. Alas! my wicked, deceitful heart is prone to wander still. Oh for a flame of divine love to warm and animate my cold and lifeless soul!

Dec. 31. I have now come to the close of another year. How various have been the scenes, through which I have been called to pass, this year! But what have I done for God? what for the interest of religion? and what for my own soul? I have passed through one of the most solemn scenes of my life--I have taken the sacramental covenant upon me--I have solemnly joined myself to the church of the blessed Jesus.

O that I might now, as in the presence of the great Jehovah, and his holy angels, with penitential sorrow, confess my past ingratitude, and in humble reliance on the strength of Jesus, resolve to devote the ensuing year, and the remaining part of my days to his service.

At the commencement of the year 1810, she was brought very near to death by a violent fever, attended with much pain. Her state of mind, during this long sickness, may be learned from her journal after her recovery. The calmness and resignation which she manifested, at the time of her greatest suffering and danger, were truly remarkable. She, one day, repeated the verse--

"God of my life, look gently down;

Behold the pains I feel:

But I am dumb before thy throne,

Nor dare to dispute thy will."

And then requested her mother, who was seated at her bedside, to read to her the whole hymn, adding, that it had often recurred to her mind during her sickness, and fully expressed her own feelings. The happy effect of this sickness, seemed to be a renewed and unalterable resolution henceforth to live not unto herself, but unto him who had redeemed her from the power of the grave.

1810.--Feb. 10. What great reason have I for thankfulness to God, that I am still in the land of the living, and have another opportunity of recording with my pen, his tender mercy and loving kindness? I have been, for almost five weeks, unable to write; and for a week, confined to my bed. But Jesus has undertaken to be my physician; he has graciously restored me to health; and when greatly distressed with pain, he afforded me the sweet consolations of his Spirit, and brought me to resign my soul into his arms, and willingly to wait the event of his Providence, whether life or death.

Oh that this sickness might be for my eternal good! may it be made the means of weaning me from all terrestrial enjoyments, and of fixing my hope and only trust in the merits of Jesus. Then should I have cause to bless God for his chastening rod, and through eternity, count all these afflicting dispensations as great mercies.

Feb. 11. I am not permitted to worship God in his earthly courts this day. But I have no reason to complain. God is still merciful and good to me, although I am evil and unthankful.

Feb. 18. How easily can God disconcert the plans formed by short sighted mortals! I had fondly flattered myself, that before this, I should have met with the assembly of saints, and have sitten under the droppings of the sanctuary; that I should have joined my Christian friends in their social conference, and heard the truths of the Gospel explained by our dear pastor. But Jehovah determined otherwise. He has again laid his chastising rod upon me, by afflicting me with sickness and pain. But "I will bear the indignation of the Lord, because I have sinned against him." I have a renewed opportunity of examining my submission to God. And I do now, as in his presence, renewedly resolve to devote myself a living sacrifice to him. I think I can say, that afflictions are good for me. In times of the greatest distress, I have been brought to cry within myself: "It is the Lord, let him do what seemeth to him good." I think I am willing to bear whatever God sees fit to lay upon me. Let my dear heavenly Father inflict the keenest anguish, I will submit; for He is infinitely excellent, and can do nothing wrong.

Feb. 25. With the light of this holy morning, I desire to offer to the kind Shepherd of Israel, who never slumbers nor sleeps, a morning tribute of thanksgiving and praise. Oh that my whole soul might be drawn out in love to God; and may all my faculties unite with the inhabitants of the New-Jerusalem, in praising the immortal King, for what he has done and still is doing for rebellious man. But I fall infinitely short of the honour due to his glorious name. When, oh when shall I arrive at the destined port of rest, and with the blood-washed millions praise the Lamb of God for redeeming love? Hasten, blessed Immanuel, that glorious period, when all thy exiled children shall arrive at their eternal home, and celebrate thy praises, when time and nature fail. Oh for a tongue to sound aloud the honors, the glories of the dear, the matchless Saviour!

Feb. 27. A neighbour lies in the agonies of death. Gracious God! grant, in infinite mercy, that this, thy departing servant, may have an easy passage through the dark valley of the shadow of death; but especially give him the light of thy reconciled countenance; and may he evince to surrounding friends, that there is a reality in the doctrines and consolations of the gospel!--Death has done his office: and Mr. E. lies silent and breathless in his cold arms. His immortal spirit has left his emaciated body, and winged its way to that long eternity, whence no traveller returns; but he has given pleasing evidence, that he was truly prepared to meet the king of terrors. May this call of almighty providence awaken the thoughtless in this place, and lead them to prepare for their last great change. And may He, who has promised to be the Father of the fatherless, and the widow's God, fulfil his promises of mercy to those who are now left desolate.

March 1. With sincerity of heart, and fervent affections, I would desire, oh thou preserver of men, to plead for pardoning grace, and continuing mercy, that I may be enabled, this month, to devote all my faculties to thy service. I have found great consolation in reflecting, that it is God who has confined me with sickness, and that he will, in his own good time, restore me to health.

March 2. Have, this afternoon, been solemnly admonished, by seeing the remains of Mr. E. carried by the house. And can it be, that I who am now so actively engaged in the affairs of this world, shall shortly be conveyed on a bier, to the cold grave? Yes, the righteous Judge has declared to the race of Adam: "dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return." And soon this sentence will be executed upon me. Prepare, O my soul, to meet thy God.

March 4. Communion day--but I am denied the unspeakable privilege of sitting at the table of the Lord. The first time that I have been absent from it, since I publicly confessed my faith in Jesus. But the mercy of God has been manifested to me. He has given me much freedom at the throne of grace, and particularly to intercede for my dear brethren and sisters who have communed with God at his table.

March 6. What unspeakable consolation does it afford the children of God to reflect, that the great Jehovah is carrying on his work of grace; and that earth and hell combined, cannot hinder what he has designed to accomplish.

March 10. How awfully depraved is the natural heart! Every day I can see more and more of my own apostacy from God. How prone I am to wander in the labyrinth of sin, and to lose sight of the Lamb of God. How often does my stubborn heart refuse to return to the fold of the Saviour, and to yield a delighted obedience to his dear, well known commands. Break, compassionate Immanuel, oh, break this stony heart of mine, and compel me to live as an obedient child.--Blessed be God, I have this day been permitted to go to his house of prayer: nine Sabbaths have elapsed, since I enjoyed this inestimable favour. Mr. Spring solemnly addressed us, from this text: "And I will be a father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and be a father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty." How unspeakably happy are those who are children of the Most High! Oh could I but be assured that I were one of them, willingly would I resign all that the world calls happiness.

March 13. How engaged am I in the concerns of this world! I cannot but ask myself the questions, have I any reason to imagine, that I am interested in the covenant of life? If so, why am I thus? Why this awful distance from God? "Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts."

April 8. On this holy day, how ought my affections to be elevated, and my heart engaged in the service of my Redeemer! Awake, my drowsy senses; partake of the happiness, and join in the praises of angels and the redeemed above. Awake, and join the heavenly chorus, even "praise to Him that sitteth upon the throne, and to the Lamb for ever."

April 29. A sudden death this week. Mrs. C. was in health and prosperity one hour, and, the next, in the cold embraces of the universal conqueror! May this solemn event be sanctified to the surviving friends. And may it lead me to place my affections on the things of eternity.

May 2. I have commenced attending the Miss W.'s academy. May the blessing of God rest upon me in the duties to which I am now called. Let not my heart be set upon worldly vanities, nor too much upon worldly attainments!

May 4. Mr. Emerson, of Beverly, called upon us a few moments, and informed us, there was a great revival of religion in his society and town. O how did it rejoice my heart! However cold and stupid, I can in sincerity say, that I love to hear of the conversion of sinners. Must Haverhill be left destitute of the work of the Spirit? O let me be ardent and constant at the throne of grace, for the out-pouring of the Spirit, and a revival of religion among us.

May 11. Called upon a friend this morning, who, to human appearance, is on the brink of the grave. She was speechless, though not senseless. Her very countenance declared the importance of religion. Never shall I forget the affectionate manner, in which she pressed my hand to her bosom, and lifted her eyes to heaven, as if calling down a blessing upon me.

May 30. This day recalls many painful events, which occurred last year at this time. How was I then labouring for "the meat that perisheth,"--following the leadings of a trifling heart. It was infinite mercy that snatched me from the abyss, and, as I humbly trust, made me a monument of redeeming love. "Praise the Lord, O my soul."

June 1. I have this day felt real gratification in hearing from our dear Miss W., the pleasing exercises of her mind. I sincerely hope that she will not be left to go astray from her Saviour, and become indifferent to eternal concerns, as I have done. Many will be the temptations to which she will be exposed, but almighty grace is sufficient to overcome them.

June 2. Have had some interesting conversation with Miss W. upon the situation of my dear _____. Who knows but that she might now have been earnestly engaged in the cause of the Redeemer, if it were not for my unchristian conduct. The thought is solemn and painful. How can I think of being an enemy to the souls of my dear friends?

June 3. Solemn, indeed, have been the transactions of this day. O that they might be remembered with joy through eternity. Had some humbling views of my past ingratitude. The aggravated transgressions of my life, the last six months in particular, have been laid open before me. Have again become stupid--but no,--I cannot. I will surrender myself to Jesus. He will keep me from falling, and at last present me faultless before his Father's throne.

June 4. Have been solemnly impressed with the worth of immortal souls this day. The welfare of my school companions lies near my heart. In what way can I be serviceable to them?

June 28. Attended a lecture at Bradford, this afternoon. My mind, during the exercises, was elevated above terrestrial enjoyment. In my interest for the church of the Redeemer, I thought that I could say with the poet,

"My soul shall wish Mount Zion well,

Whate'er becomes of me."

June 29. Professor S. and lady dined with us. A most excellent man. It was a pleasure I had long wished to enjoy. I was introduced to a young lady from Boscawen. She professed and hopefully experienced religion at the early age of twelve. She can testify that the Lord is gracious, and faithful to fulfil his promises. I felt encouraged at seeing so many engaged followers of the Lamb.

June 30. Called on my dear friend E. She has lately experienced affliction. She told me that she was resigned to divine Providence, and could rejoice, even in the hour of distress. Happy composure! What joys, O ye followers of unrighteousness, have you to boast, compared with those experienced by the humble followers of Jesus?

July 1. Hail, sacred morning! Once ushered in with the most important event ever registered in the records of time. On this holy morning, the Saviour rose from the grave. I expect this day to commemorate the sufferings of the Lamb of God. Grant me, gracious God, a blessed communion with thee. Let me not "eat and drink judgment to myself."

July 4. I have again entered the house of God, and heard a sermon from Mr. O. on this text, "Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord." This day is celebrated by Americans, as the anniversary of our Independence. While some are spending it in luxury and vice, a few assembled in this place for the professed purpose of worshipping God.

July 6. Spent the afternoon with my beloved friends, Mrs. and Miss _____. They appear sincerely engaged in the promotion of religion. E. conversed with me very freely on the subject in which she is so deeply interested. May the change in her situation which she soon expects, increase her happiness: and may her exemplary Christian conduct be the instrument of bringing her future companion to the knowledge of the truth, as it is in Jesus.

July 7. How have I spent this day! What a fountain of iniquity is my heart. Must I resign the idea of ever feeling the power of religion? Surely if I were a child of God, I could not feel so stupid, and live so careless, as I do.

July 19. Favoured with the privilege of attending a lecture this afternoon. Our dear minister preached from these words: "How long halt ye between two opinions?" a most solemn discourse. In the evening, a meeting at Mr. D.'s for religious conversation. A small number of young people appear unusually solemn. Has not God already begun to show the riches of his grace? Will he not arise, and have mercy on Haverhill, and make it a place where he will delight to dwell?

August 4. I have parted from my Haverhill friends, and expect to spend three months at Byfield. How great are my privileges! While so many are destitute of opportunities for acquiring useful knowledge, I am indulged with them, under circumstances peculiarly favourable. Blessed with the society of a sister, dearer to me than words can express, and of other kind friends, what do I need to make me completely happy? Nothing but a thankful heart, to praise and bless the bountiful Giver of these mercies.

The autumn of this year was spent at Byfield, at a private female Academy, under the charge of her elder sister. Harriet's affectionate love for that sister, and anxious watchfulness over her feeble health, are so feelingly exhibited in many of her letters to her mother from Byfield, that we regret being obliged to omit them, by that minuteness of their details which her kindness dictated. Her efforts for mental improvement, during that season, were very great, as her papers, and the testimony of her beloved instructor, most abundantly show.

Aug. 6. How soon are my resolutions, to live wholly to God, broken! My conscience daily reproaches me for my unfaithfulness to my companions, to myself, and to my God. If any one had told me, when light first shone on my mind, that I should feel such indifference to the salvation of sinners, and so little love to God, as I now feel, I should have exclaimed, impossible!
 
 

CHAPTER III

Miss Atwood's attention turned to the wants of the Heathen.--Mr. Newell's first introduction to her.--Extracts from letters and journal.--Visit to Charlestown.--Mr. Newell's proposals.--Her resolution to become a Missionary.

Oct. 10. I have this day entered upon my eighteenth year. Seventeen years have rolled, almost insensibly, away, and I still remain a pilgrim in this barren land. Merciful Jesus, on the commencement of this year, may thy supporting hand be underneath me; and if my life is prolonged, may I more faithfully serve thee, and promote thy blessed cause.

Oct. 20. A female friend (Miss Nancy Hasseltine, afterwards Mrs. Judson) called upon us this morning. She informed me of her determination to quit her native land for ever, to endure the sufferings of a Christian amongst heathen nations, to spend her days in India's sultry clime. How did the news affect my heart! Is she willing to do all this for God; and shall I refuse to lend my little aid, in a land where divine revelation has shed its brightest rays? I have felt more, for the salvation of the heathen, this day, than I recollect to have felt through my whole past life.

How dreadful their situation! What heart but would bleed at the idea of the sufferings they endure to obtain the joys of Paradise! What can I do, that the light of the gospel may shine upon them? They are perishing for lack of knowledge, while I enjoy the glorious privileges of a Christian land! Great God, direct me! Oh make me in some way beneficial to their immortal souls.

Oct. 21. I have had a joyful meeting this day in the house of God. "When I am weak, then am I strong." I have experienced the truth of this declaration this day. I went to meeting in the morning, afflicted with bodily pain, yet joyful in the God of my salvation. When reflecting on the melancholy state of our church, and distressed, lest the deserved judgments of the Almighty should be poured out upon us, the words of the dear Redeemer, "fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom," sweetly refreshed and animated my desponding spirit. I desire ever to bless the Lord, for the manifestations of his love this day. He has taught me, that neither Paul nor Apollos is any thing without his grace. Ministers may faithfully preach; but the word will not prove successful, if God does not touch the heart.

I have seen the glory of God in his sanctuary. "I had rather be a door-keeper in the house of my God, than to dwell in the tents of wickedness." The Lord is good; may it be my delightful employment on earth, to praise him; and in heaven may I join the enraptured millions, in a song that shall never end.

Oct. 22. M. has this day parted from us. May her future days be spent happily. Oh may her path be strewed with the choicest of heaven's blessings.

Oct. 23. Mr. M. introduced Mr. Newell to our family. He appears to be an engaged Christian. Expects to spend his life in preaching a Saviour to the benighted pagans.

This was her first interview with her future companion in life. Rev. Samuel Newell was educated at Harvard University, and pursued his studies for the Christian ministry at Andover. In June, 1810, he and four other young men, Messrs. Hall, Judson, Mills, and Nott, consecrated their future labours to the cause of foreign missions, and offered their services for this object to the General Association of Massachusetts.* This measure led to the establishment of the "American Board of Commissioners for Foreign Missions," under whose direction they placed themselves.

Oct. 27. I have just returned from the funeral of Miss B. How loud is this call to me! Ought I not to be more faithful to the souls of my friends, while their bodies are in health! Oh why is it, if I am a chosen one, that I am so backward to speak for God!

Oct. 28. I have been to the house of God, but have had little enjoyment.

"Tis a point I long to know;

Oft it causes anxious thought

Do I love the Lord, or no?

Am I his, or am I not?

If I love, why am I thus?

Why this cold, and lifeless frame?

Hardly, sure, can they be worse,

Who have never heard his name?"

Oct. 31. Mr. N. called on us this morning. He gave me some account of the dealings of God with his soul. If such a man, who has devoted himself to the service of the gospel, has determined to labour in the most difficult part of the vineyard, and is willing to renounce his earthly happiness for the interest of religion; if he doubts his possessing the love of God:--what shall I say of myself?

Nov. 4. I have once more commemorated the dying love of Jesus. Have entertained some faint views of the character of God; and mourned for the evil of sin. How condescending is God, to permit hell-deserving rebels to commune with him at his table! What, on earth, can equal the love of Jehovah! He treats those who are by nature his enemies, like children.

"But yet how few returns of love,

Hath my Creator found."

Nov. 6. Sleep has fled from me, and my soul is enveloped in a dark cloud of troubles! Oh that God would direct me; that he would plainly mark out the path of duty, and let me not depart from it.

Nov. 10. Have this day commenced reading Law's Serious Call to a Holy Life. How infinitely short do I fall, of that holy conformity to my Maker, which he describes as the duty of a Christian! I am as much obligated to yield myself a willing soldier to Christ, to fight his battles, and to glorify him in every action of my life, as he who ministers at the altar. Why, then, am I not employed in his service? Why stand I here idle all the day?

_______________

To her sister M. at Charlestown.

Nov. 18, 1810.

"How gracious, my dear sister, has God been to us. But when I enumerate our many mercies, it is with deep humility that I look back on my past life, and discover so little gratitude, and so much unworthiness. How much has sovereign grace done for me. Though I have solemnly professed to find consolation in religion, to derive my hopes of happiness only from God; yet how often have I roved in the world in quest of pleasure, and dishonoured the best of Masters, by an unholy life. How ungrateful have I been for the common mercies of life, and for the still more precious blessings of the Holy Spirit. May every temporal blessing which your heart can wish, be yours. But whatever be the trials, through which you may be called to pass, oh may that heaven-born religion attend you, which can sweeten the bitter cup of life, afford you joy in this vale of tears, support you in nature's last extremity, and conduct you to the heavenly Canaan, where undisturbed happiness will ever reign. Life is but a vapour. Whether we spend it in tranquillity and ease, or in pain and suffering, time will soon land us on the shores of Eternity, our destined home. These things, my dear sister, my heart tells me, are solemn realities. They are not fictions. Though the language of my past life has been, "there is no future state"; yet I now feel there is an eternity, where I shall meet my earthly friends, and stand accountable to the great tribunal for my conduct towards them. I regret the loss of those hours I have spent in vanity, and in wounding the cause of that dear Redeemer, whom I think, if I am not greatly deceived, I can now call mine. I think I can say with the Psalmist, "whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee." His religion comforts and supports my drooping spirits; his promises encourage, and his glories warm my heart. But where am I? The striking clock reminds me of the lateness of the hour. These delightful, these heart-consoling subjects have almost made me forget that "tired nature requires repose."

_______________

To Miss Sarah Hills,* Andover.

Haverhill, Nov. 20, 1810.

"Will it afford my dear Miss H. satisfaction to hear of the health and happiness of her friends at Haverhill? While many of our friends are languishing on beds of sickness, sighing for the return of ease,--while many have gone the "way of all the earth," "have heard their sentence and received their doom"; we are still enjoying the blessings of health, and are not out of the reach of pardoning mercy. Ought not a review of these daily blessings to excite in us the liveliest gratitude? How should our whole lives be a constant series of grateful acknowledgment to the Parent of mercies, for bestowing such great, such unmerited favours on rebels doomed to die.--Is my friend, Miss H. rejoicing in God? Does she find joy and peace in believing? This I sincerely hope is your happy condition. I have infinite reason to confess my obligation to God, for the faint discoveries I have lately obtained of his glorious character. Yes, my dear H., I still find the promises precious, and Jesus unchangeable. Though I am worthless and undeserving, yet the blessed Immanuel is lovely and worthy of the united praises of saints and angels.--

HARRIET."
 
 

* An eminently pious lady, since deceased, warmly attached to Miss Atwood: almost her last words were,

"Jesus can make a dying bed,

Feel soft as down pillows are."

_______________

Letter to her sister M.

Haverhill, Jan. 1811.

"Mary, I really long to go to Charlestown, but do not know when I shall enjoy that pleasure. The travelling is very bad at present, and I see no prospect of its being any better. I feel in some degree disappointed in not going on Monday as I expected; but I know I ought not to be; for I should expect nothing below but disappointments: I think that I wish for nothing in this world but a heart wholly conformed to God, and to be prepared to enjoy his perfections in heaven. The world, my dear sister, is incapable of satisfying my vast desires. I find that God alone can satisfy me; and if I love him not, I know not what I love.

I am, &c. HARRIET."

P.S. In reviewing my letter, I find that I have expressed myself differently from my real meaning. I mean, my dear Mary, I wish for nothing in this world in comparison with a heart devoted to God. I have many other wants.

_______________

To Miss M.T. of Newbury.

Boston, Feb. 18, 1811.

"What, my dear friend, shall be the subject of our letters? Shall the common occurrences of life, and the flattering compliments of the polite world, fill our sheets; or that religion, which is the glory of the bright intelligences of heaven, and the consolation of trembling believers on earth? I think I can confidently affirm that the latter will be your choice. As for myself, I can say, that if I never felt the power of this religion, yet it is a theme upon which I love to converse, write and reflect. It is a duty incumbent on the children of God, to reprove, encourage, and animate each other on their journey to the upper world. Every Christian has difficulties to overcome, temptations to encounter, and a warfare to accomplish, which the world are strangers to. If pilgrims in the same country can in the least console each other, and sweeten the thorny journey, by familiar intercourse, they ought not to neglect it. We, my dear M., are professedly interested in the same cause. Our home is professedly in heaven; we have temptations, difficulties, trials, and doubts, which, if we are believers, are in unison. I feel that I need the prayers and the advice of all the followers of the Lamb. I have "an evil heart of unbelief," prone to "depart from the living God." Will M. pray for me? Will she bear me in remembrance when supplicating mercy for other sinners? You shall not be forgotten by H.A. If the friend of sinners will lend a listening ear to my feeble cries, M. shall be strengthened and blessed.

It is now about three weeks since I left Haverhill. Last Sabbath I enjoyed the pleasure of hearing the good Dr. G. preach. This pleasure I hope often to be favoured with, while I continue with my sister M. I have been these two days with our friends, the Misses F. My time has passed very pleasantly with them.

I have more things to tell you than I have time to write. A number of interesting occurrences have happened since I saw you. Should I again be indulged with an interview with you, I fear I shall tire your patience with a history of my troubles and pleasures. But I must leave you, my M. May you enjoy the influences of the Holy Spirit in life, consolation in death, and a seat in the mansions of blessedness. HARRIET."

1811.--Feb.24. For four weeks past I have been visiting my sister at Charlestown. The first week, I was remarkably favoured with the presence of Immanuel. Never before did I gain such access to the mercy seat, and entertain such glorious views of the character of God, and such humiliating ideas of my situation, as a sinner. But I have since experienced a sad reverse. My God, why hast thou forsaken me? Oh for that invigorating grace which the Saviour dispenses to his followers! But can I hope myself his follower?

Last Sabbath went with Mr. H. and sister M. to hear Dr. G. His language, his very features spoke the emotion of his soul. His text was in Corinthians, "When I was a child, I spake as a child," &c. As we entered the meeting house, they were singing my favourite hymn, "Lord what a wretched land is this," &c. in a melancholy air. Such were my sensations, that I could hardly refrain from weeping. How lovely are thy tabernacles, O Lord of hosts! Where the gospel of Jesus is proclaimed to a lost world, my soul would for ever dwell. I spent three days with the Miss F.'s. Was much pleased with meeting an aged couple engaged for God. Hoary hairs are, in this instance, a crown of glory. Religion is lovely in the decline of life, as well as in its morning.

Mr. H. and M. are absent. My friend _____ has been with me since their departure. I cannot but hope, that she is a chosen vessel. But her trials are great: may she come forth, like gold seven times tried. I do not justly appreciate the inestimable blessing of pious friends. How great the contrast between her situation and mine! Oh for a heart to grow in grace, and improve under the cultivation of the Most High.

Feb. 25. After spending the day in trifling conversation, I was permitted to enjoy the privilege of attending a Christian conference, where the evening was spent in praying, singing, and conversing upon the things of religion. The brethren who were present, conversed with great freedom and engagedness, and all appeared to talk the language of Canaan. "Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty." I hope to meet these professed followers of Jesus in a world of rest--but why do I thus presumptuously hope. O God, if I am a believer in thee, give me a full assurance of my good estate; if I am a hypocritical professor, arrest me in my career, and cause me to place my hopes of heaven on thee!

Feb. 26. Mr. H. and sister M. inform me, that my dear mother wishes me to engage in a school, the ensuing summer. Can I think of such a responsible situation as that of instructing little immortals? I know that I ought not to consult my own ease; the question should be, how can I be most useful in the world? I hope I shall be directed by God. Oh that He would use me as an instrument of promoting his glory.

M. informed me that the Indian* from the Island of Owhyhee, who has lately resided at the Institution at Andover, called upon mother. It would have given me much satisfaction to have seen him. His conversion would cause great joy to the students. He is a nephew of the High Priest of the island, and would have much influence upon the natives. His heart is not too hard for almighty grace to soften.

*Obookiah, whose life was short, and his death happy. The American Mission to the Sandwich Islands owed its origin to his zeal for the salvation of his countrymen. His Memoirs are among the publications of the American S.S. Union.

_______________

This suggestion, that Harriet should assume the charge of some young pupils, was occasioned solely by her mother's knowledge of her earnest desire to "do some good." So ardent was this desire, as to render her at times unhappy at the thought of what she considered, her uselessness in the world. On this account, the suggestion was very welcome, and, when afterwards the plan was thought inexpedient, she submitted to that decision with much regret. In her own home, to her younger brothers and sisters, she was always an assiduous, and a beloved teacher, anxious to "train up" for excellence, both their minds and hearts.

Feb. 27. I have spent the greater part of the day in reading. I find that I am indeed ignorant, and long to have time to devote myself wholly to the improvement of my mind. While endeavouring to obtain useful knowledge, oh may I never forget, that if at last found a hypocrite, I shall be capable of greater sufferings, than if totally ignorant.

Feb. 28. Afflicted with a violent pain in my head. Experience daily evinces, that afflictions will do me no good, unless sanctified. And can I hope that the pain, which I now suffer, will eventually prove one of those "all things that work together for good to those that love God." How ardently ought I to pray, that it may! Then, if admitted to the abodes of bliss, I will bless my Redeemer for every pain which on earth I have experienced. I had had some sense of the presence of Jehovah, and some longing desires to be wholly conformed to him. When shall this vain world lose its power to charm, and the religion of the Gospel influence my heart and life? Oh when shall I die--when shall I live forever? How many times this day have I repeated that Hymn of Dr. Watts, "Lord, what a wretched land is this!"

March 1. Father of lights, it is the office of thy spirit, to create holy exercises in the hearts of thy creatures. Oh may I enter upon this month with renewed resolutions to devote myself exclusively to thee; that at the close of it I may not sigh over misspent hours. "It is not in man that walketh to direct his steps": I am entirely dependent upon God. If he forsake me, my resolutions will be broken; I shall dishonour his religion, and ruin my soul. Oh leave me not, thou shepherd of Israel, but have mercy upon me for thy name's sake.

March 3. Heard an admirable sermon this morning from Dr. G. Have likewise communed with God at his table. Oh this cold, stupid heart! I long for wings to fly away from earth, and participate in the holiness and pleasures of the saints within the veil. I have had this day a greater sense of my depravity, and of my inability to create exercises pleasing to God, than I recollect having ever had before. I think I feel my need of a physician, if I have no heart to apply to one.

March 4. I have this day visited at ___. The entertainment of the evening was splendid and extravagant. Query. Is it consistent with the humble religion of the gospel, for the friends of God, who ought to deny themselves, and take up their cross daily, to expend that money, which is His, and only lent them for holy uses, in providing dainties to please the palate, and clothes to ornament the body? Where then, is the vast difference between the children of God and the children of this world? As far as I have examined the subject, it is my opinion, that if Christians would appropriate more of their property to charitable purposes, instead of making such extravagant provision for the flesh,--would imitate the example of the meek and lowly Jesus--and feel indifferent to the smiles and frowns of the world; religion would flourish, the kingdom of God would be built up, and happy effects would be visible through the world.

March 6. I have lately been pleasantly engaged in reading Professor Silliman's "travels." One passage has to-day caused mingled emotions as I read. While speaking of subjugated and suffering Holland, he observes--"Freedom, indignant at the atrocities committed under her name, has long since flown with disdain, finding a retreat only in one little island, and one favoured country beyond the ocean." Yes, America is indeed favoured by Heaven. Oh may it be a land of virtue and religion, as well as of freedom.

March 7. It is indeed a delightful privilege to assemble with the saints, and unite with them in the worship of God. I have often considered it a blessed privilege in this sense particularly: the persons present are, in a special manner, the subjects of prayer; and God has pledged his word, where two or three are gathered together in his name, to be with them, and bless them. But Christians should carefully examine their motives for assembling themselves together. If filled with unbelief or spiritual pride, they will lose the promised blessing, and remain without the bread of life.

March 9. This is a delightful evening! Not a cloud is in the heavens to intercept the bright rays of the moon. All nature, both animate and inanimate, appears combined in the blessed employment of praising God. "But man, my kin, lies desolate." He alone is silent, the most ungrateful of the Sovereign's works. The moon, shining in her glory, and the planets and stars, are monitors, that speak more loudly to me than ten thousand human voices. Awake my slothful soul; nothing in creation has half thy work to perform; and oh, let it not be said that "nothing is half so dull."

March 10. How much wisdom and goodness did the Deity manifest, in the appointment of the Sabbath. On this day, Christians can rest from the outward labours of life, and their souls can be refreshed in the sanctuary. On this day, God usually reveals the glories of his character to his children, and often gives them a foretaste of the joys of heaven. Blessed Saviour! grant me this day communion with thee.

March 15. How tedious are the hours which I pass in the company of strangers, when religion is not introduced as a subject of conversation. Were I to judge of my state by no other criterion than that of love to the children of God, I should have no doubts.

March 16. How shall I conquer this growing dislike to my pen! I have often observed, that when I am peculiarly favoured with devout exercises of heart, and am most concerned for the interests of religion, writing is a delightful employment. Oh Jerusalem, how can I forget thee!

March 18. My dear mother wishes me to relinquish the plan of engaging in a school. It is some disappointment; but Providence orders all things for the best.

I have received a letter from my dear Nancy.. She expresses much confidence in the guidance of God. When separated from her by tempestuous seas, may I be remembered in her prayers. How can I part with her? But God is the same unchangeable being, in India, as in America. If we are his children we shall be transported at death to the same abodes of bliss, never more to be separated.

March 25. God has not left himself without witness in the earth. No; he is still manifesting the riches of his grace, in bringing home his chosen ones. A young lady of my acquaintance, formerly gay, and a stranger to piety, has hopefully become the follower of the Lamb. And has my dear M. chosen Jesus for her friend and portion? I cannot but stand amazed to see the salvation of God. "Come, behold the works of the Lord!"

I feel deeply interested for _____, who is distressed for his immortal soul. The situation of an awakened sinner is very critical. If conviction does not terminate in conversion, the heart is hardened, and all future calls and reproofs seldom penetrate it.

I feel that I can rejoice with the angels in heaven, at the conversion of sinners. If those holy beings whose salvation is secure, and who are not personally interested for mortals, make the upper regions ring with their acclamations, when a repenting prodigal returns, what ought to be my joy, when Jesus is honoured, and a soul saved.

I made an appointment with _____, to retire at eleven in the morning, and spend some moments at the throne of grace. May our united prayers be heard!

March 29. Walked this morning in the mall, and through the principal streets. The time is coming, when all these things shall be destroyed. How applicable to all is the command of Jesus, "Watch!"

_______________

To Mrs. Mary Atwood.

Monday Eve, March 25, 1811.

"The family have retired, and I am left alone to write a few lines to the best of mothers. I have just returned from a Christian conference, where the religion of Jesus has been the topic of conversation. A female stranger was seated by me weeping, and exhibiting strong marks of an awakened and agonizing conscience. Inquiring the cause of her grief, she answered, she had found herself a sinner, and on the verge of destruction. I have lately, my dear mother, witnessed some of the most solemn and interesting scenes. I called at Mrs._____, the last week, and engaged to spend the next Sabbath with her. Her sister M. who, you know mother, was once an intimate friend of mine, appeared gay and thoughtless. Upon entering the room the next Saturday, she gave me her hand, and with tears in her eyes, she exclaimed, "Harriet rejoice with me; come, and I will tell you what God has done for me." My surprise was so great, I could say nothing, but, "is it possible!" Doct. B., a number of professing Christians, and three children passed the evening there. I will not attempt to describe the circumstances of the evening, but can only say, my mother, it seemed like Bradford. It was indeed a season long to be remembered. I think you will rejoice with other Christians, that another praying soul is found on earth. HARRIET."

To her Sister Elizabeth.

Friday Morn.

"Will it afford Elizabeth pleasure to hear of the happy change in her friend _____? The alteration in her is conspicuous indeed. Religion makes the lovely appear more lovely. Never did I meet with such a striking instance of the p