Woman to Woman

October 21, 1995 

Our family is working through Scripture with our set of Matthew Henry Commentaries. We did take a major break during the time that our precious Jennifer and Steven courted and subsequently married. We are now back to it and are now beginnning the book of Isaiah. If any of you have the set, you may gain great things by looking in that section. I have been greatly affected in my heart by what we are reading. Oh, there is so much on my heart, but for it to come forth, when it is so weighty, is of a great difficulty for me.

I am learning that we must be a serious, praying people. Our nation is in an apostate state, we must be crying for mercy for it. We will reap the sins of our nation, if we remain in silence for them. We have been like a frog in the frying pan. If you place him there when the pan is cold and then slowly turn up the heat...he will remain there and not notice that he is cooking...and then he will die without jumping out...when all the time, he could have, if he had been considering his ways.

We are learning that a nation becomes sinful in its ways, because families have put off the ways of God and walked in their own imagination. We keep thinking how awful everything is becoming in our own nation and blaming the other people, because they refuse to see God's ways for their lives. But, God brings judgment for "His people"...for them to repent and turn back to Him. The majority of our nation are pagans...it is us that He is speaking to. We have put off His ways, and we don't even know it. When I say we, there is not a finger pointed out to anyone for who could be the first to cast the first stone. My heart is seeing much coldness, hardness, ungratefulness and neglect of duty within itself.

Our nation is murdering babies, that is what the evil heart is very capable of. I think right away, "how awful - I would never do such an abominable thing!" Oh, the pride of my own heart...I wouldn't do such a drastic thing, but, I would neglect my children and take too much time on the computer, or some other earthly thing! That sounds like such a minute thing, but in reality, I am committing a great sin before a Mighty God. He has entrusted precious children to me...why? So, I can teach them the ways of God when they get up and when they sit down and when they lay down...all the time. I am not to tire, complain, wish I had more time for myself, get irritated at their childishness, but perform my duties to them that God has given me.

I am to see that their sinful behavior probably is from what they have seen in me. I am to look for their sinful walkings and right away chasten them. I am to know that they have a wicked heart and be begging God to save them. My tears and travail for their soul should outweigh the first labor at their time of birth. I should teach them to commune with their own heart. I should teach them to watch for the first risings of sin within them. Then, I should teach them how to mortify each and every sin. None of this can be done without first bringing them to Christ and showing them His judgments, his justifiable wrath against sin, his hatred against liars, evildoers, and the rebellious. And then I must show them His loving kindness, beauty, glory and mercy, to those that turn from their wicked ways in repentance.

Oh, how much time I have wasted on trifling things. How many thoughts on vanities. How ungrateful I have been for what has been provided to me, forgetting all was given within the scope of stewardship. I have come to expect luxury, comfort and ease, when tomorrow I may find myself in a cold prison somewhere. Then what would I feel within my heart? Would I be grateful then? God tells us to prepare for difficulties, not to be soft. We have been raised in a nation that is slothful, full of luxury and ease and we are unaware of anything else. You might think because we live in a small trailer that we couldn't possibly live in luxury and ease. But, consider what one of the women from a tribe in Africa, (where my husband had the opportunity to visit several years go), who lives in a hut without anything but a dirt floor and has to go quite a distance for water and has no electricity, would think of our home. She knows nothing of curtains, mini blinds, lights, heaters, fluffy quilts, hot running water, bubbly soap from the grocery store, shelves and shelves of wonderful books, multitudes of clothing for our children, comfortable shoes etc. She would know nothing about a computer, mixer, washing machine, oven, refrigerator, tables with matching chairs, or even unmatched chairs. She is thinking about the distended stomachs of her children that are still alive - due to lack of proper nourishment, and missing the ones that she has burried. She is seeing the flies sit upon the open sores of her little ones, with nothing to be able to do for them. I saw with my own eyes these things as my precious husband brought back video tapes. Children, almost naked, dirty, hungry, dying, sitting on their mothers' lap. Huts that resemble what we see by the wayside of an abandoned land site, that nobody would even consider habitating.

How would I feel if that was where God placed me? Punished? Dejected? Would I look for some unrepented sin? Oh, how prideful I have been thinking that I have deserved anything. I pray that the things that God has provided me with are not for judgment as He will let those that are ungrateful and unrepentant go and have their treasure here on earth. Oh, that it would not be so with me! We are accountable for everything He entrusts us with. Everything - thoughts, books, minutes, children, husbands, clothing, houses, our friends etc.

I am sorry that I am running on. I have such a weight of blindness within my heart. We live in such a time that we think we see and yet are blind. Do I mourn and weep over the sins of our nation? Do I mourn and weep over my own sins? Am I watchful over my heart for the first risings of temptation and sin? Do I even know what temptations are? Things that were considered sins years ago are not even considered such today, even within the Christian realm. Do I sincerely study to know what it is to be a woman, putting off those things that I find that are unapproved by God and strive to put on what is pleasing to Him. Do I know what shamefacedness is? Do I watch my heart to keep within that which is modest? Am I quiet and respectful in front of men, especially my husband? Am I training my children to be such to their father by my going before them in such a way? Are my gestures and speech submissive, loving, kind, easy to be entreated, longsuffering, and without answering again to my headship, my authority - my husband? Do I guard myself from ambition? Do I remember that it is one of the greatest temptations to my sex? Do I remember that vanity, foolish talk, giddy behaviour runs in a woman's heart if not checked. Am I a proper keeper at home? Do I keep those secret places within, neat and orderly, do I keep a proper schedule running smoothly? Do I keep all within the confines of my authority within the regulations of Scripture? Do I keep them from grumbling and murmuring, from being ungrateful to the Precious God that has given them life? Do I enter my prayer closet regularly with great petitions and great praises? Do I stir myself up diligently, not to lose sight of why I was born, what my responsibilies are for where He has placed me? Do I guard my heart from earthly thoughts, covetous thinking, knowing all such stem from ungratefulness? Do I watch for idleness? Do I use every minute profitably? Do I use every opportunity to do good to others that I can? Do I teach my children not to be idle? Am I jealous, in a proper way, of their time of recreation - making sure it is lawful, knowing that the criteria is to refresh them for their proper duties? Am I training their enjoyment to come from the things of God and not from earthly delights? Am I training my own soul in such a way?

I must have the saving, converting, strength of Christ, and the work of His Holy Spirit to follow my duties, or all will be lost. I never can do these things of my own power?

Oh, Dear friends... Dear sisters in the Lord, I have shared my heart with you, I need your prayers, I need your help in becoming the godly woman that God would require of me. I hope this has not burdened you too much. Please, lift me up in prayer. We live in such a deceiving time, our consciences can easily be lulled to sleep when danger is present. I want no such thing in my life...I desire you to help me and help keep me accountable? Walk with me, encourage me, rebuke me and love me, but love not my sin, nor coutenance me in anything not pleasing to God. Be my true friend!

I am ever so grateful for God's providences in my life and appreciate every one of you dearly.

A Fellow Pilgrim

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