Judith Collins

I write this testimony to the glory of God for His changing power

and grace, available to all when we call our sin, SIN. I pray those

who claim to be homosexuals, and those who don't, but actually are,

will examine their hearts before the living God as they read this,

and turn from their sins.


I lusted after women, but one in particular. I idolized this woman,

focused my entire life around her, and participated in sexual acts with

her. I wanted to 'marry' her, to 'live happily ever after' with her

- I was in love.

All this time I was involved with her, [4 years], we both claimed to

be Christians, teaching Bible studies, leading people to the Lord, and

abstaining from the ways of the world. We compared our relationship to

that of Jonathan and David's in the book of 1 Samuel, rationalizing our

sin through distorting the very Word of God.

Jeremiah 17:9 claims that 'the heart is deceitful above all things

and beyond cure'. My heart was deceived. I thought I'd found true

godly love, mutual love, when actually my heart had replaced my first

love in Jesus, whom I'd found a few years before my relationship began

with this sister in the Lord.I was deceived into thinking my sin

wasn't 'that bad'. I thought the sexual acts were the only impurities

in the relationship, but God reveals the heart. I didn't see how I was

hurting God, and fooling myself, by calling an impure relationship,

pure. Isaiah, the prophet, puts it like this: 'Woe to those who call

evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for

darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter.' [5:20] God

despised my whole heart as I rationalized and whitewashed my sin and

perversion. I didn't fear God - I only wanted one thing - my

relationship with her.


Let me make this clear: I had read God's Word, I knew about Sodom and

Gomorrah, [Genesis 19], and many passages on sexual immorality and

impurity. I had knowledge that I was involved in sin - I knew the truth

of God's Word, but it didn't phase me; I continued to sin. I

rationalized my sin, not admitting to homosexuality. I wasn't in the

'gay scene', didn't go to gay bars, and wasn't having sexual relations

with many women - just one. One way I rationalized my sin was by

claiming it was love, love that didn't stem from selfish motives. But

God said to me from His Word

'If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the

knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a

fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume

the enemies of God.' [Hebrews 10:26-27]


My heart was hardened by my sin. But God, through His love and

faithfulness, kept me miserable to lead me to repentance, [Romans 2:4].

I had no desire to let go of my immoral relationship. I had no power

to change my heart. I couldn't imagine living without her. I knew I

had no power within my sinful self to stop my physical contact with her.

So, what was I to do? Did I choose eternal life, and freedom from sin,

or a guilt-ridden life with her on earth and eternity in hell? We all

must choose between our sin or God's ways - we do everyday.

Well, I chose, and I chose God. He didn't just show me how sinful I

was and leave me helpless. Romans 5:6 says, 'You see, at just the

right time, when were were still POWERLESS, Christ died for the

ungodly.' Jesus Christ gets the victory over my sin- He gave His life

for it. Jesus says, 'apart from me you can do nothing', and oh how

true that is. As I said before, I had no power, but Jesus did. No one

has any power within themselves to conquer any sin. Only by His Spirit

within me could He take me by the hand and lead me out of my perversion

into a life of freedom and victory. He took my sin, cleansed me deeply

in my heart, {not just outwardly}, and gave me power over lustful

thoughts and schemes, sexual desires and idolizing a created individual

rather than the Creator, [Romans 1:15]. He was merciful in not letting

me continue in sin because I wanted to be freed. The sacrifices of God

are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart. [Psalm 51:17] He had

to first, soften my hard heart. Then He had to give me the faith in

Him, that He could accomplish changing my desires. God demands

holiness from His children, but only His righteousness and His power

can make us holy. He must do it all, for we are weak, helpless, sinful

and wicked people. The Lord says, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for

my power is made perfect in weakness.' [2 Cor.12:9] God's demands for

holiness are clearly put forth in His Word; 'It is God's will that you

should be holy; that you should AVOID SEXUAL IMMORALITY; that each of

you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and

honorable, not in PASSIOIONATE LUST like the heathen, who do not know

God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother, [or

sister] or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all

such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not

call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who

rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you

His Holy Spirit.' [1 Thessalonians 4:3-8]


You may wonder about continual victory over my homosexual sin-will I

be drawn back into it? Very truthfully, during God's cleansing process

and discipline to remove me from my sin, I have been tempted with other

women. Jesus also was tempted - in every way, [which by the way includes

homosexuality], yet was without sin. He sympathizes with my weaknesses.

[Hebrews 4:15]. Jesus also combated temptation with God's holy

scriptures, and I must do the same to overcome. 'No temptation has

seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will

not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are

tempted, he will also provide a way out so you can stand up under it.'

[1 Cor. 10:13]


All I can say is, God's power is sufficient for me, and only by His

grace will I remain pure. God's truth sums up this entire testimony,

and what a firm foundation to stand on: 'Do not be deceived: Neither the

SEXUALLY IMMORAL nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor

HOMOSEXUAL OFFENDERS, nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor

slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is

what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you

were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of

our God.'

1 Corinthians 6:9-11. Praise God for His mercy. He is the Great

Physician who can heal anything.


I speak to the church also. Neither one of us, my companion or I,

should have been allowed to remain in the church during the 4 years of

our sexual immorality. According to 1 Corinthians 5:11-13, the one in

the church claiming to be a brother or sister, but also being sexually

immoral is to be expelled from the church, and not even eaten with. Of

course, you must be in a body of believers that brings all deeds of

darkness into the His marvelous light before this can be lived. I praise

the Lord that by His grace He led me to a body of believers who confess

sins and walk in the light of Jesus, so my hidden sin was revealed. But

how many churches are hiding sin, not challenging it in each others

lives? Only God knows how many homosexual relationships are going on

between sisters in the Lord, or brothers in the Lord. Oh, how Jesus

wants a pure bride to return to--will He find one? Where are the

shepherds who watch closely over their sheep? Hebrews 3:13 says, 'See to

it brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns

away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it

is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's

deceitfulness.' By this passage, I am in no way trying to blame my sin on

the church - I allowed my heart to become hard. I mention this passage

to challenge and rebuke the church to confront sin as Jesus did, and call

sin, SIN. For those shepherds of God's sheep, if they do not wake up,

they will indeed have a very heavy price to pay on judgment day! Let us

all Repent!

With Praise for His Powerful Grace, Judith Collins

Testimonies of people changed by the power of God!

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