I'M GAY ... OK?
by Martin Bennett
Some have dived head first into the whole gay scene, apparently
without hesitation. Others have been tugged in over a period of time,
and then some are still "holding out." Even the church can't deny
that many within it are having tremendous struggles with
homosexuality. Growing masses of gays are parading down the streets
with banners, pursuing a new found freedom to do what they want. But
the real things so many seek after - friendship, acceptance, and love
- elude them, remaining just outside their reach.
A man who at one time had given himself over to seeking pleasure
spoke the truth when he said that "Even in laughter the heart may be
in pain, and the end of joy may be grief." (Proverbs 14:13)
It's Not Good To BE Alone
The good memories of our lives usually aren't made of the things
we got or even what we did. It's who we were with that makes our
memories special to us. Good relationships. Unless we've been deeply
wounded, we want to be friends with others and enjoy the company of
another person who really cares for us. The problem is, whenever
you're in a relationship that can bring good things, hurts and
disappointments can come just as easily. We end up relating to those
with whom we feel comfortable and accepted.
Deep inside of everyone (straights included) there is a yearning
for something meaningful and real in relationships. But, by the
admission of those who have been there, the gay lifestyle delivers a
drop of pleasure and a gallon of loneliness and pain.
What is Homosexuality?
Before we go any further, we need to define what homosexuality
is, and isn't. It isn't just a strong attraction for those of the
same sex. Someone who is tempted to steal something isn't a thief
until he actually gives in to his desire, and someone who's been hurt
by another may feel like hating that person - but it's when he gives
himself over to this desire that he's stepped over the line. That
means giving your mind over in pursuing lustful thoughts (maybe
through pornography), or giving your body over to pursue these
desires. Just having some kind of homosexual encounter in your past
doesn't necessarily mean that you're "gay".
A homosexual is a person who not only has a strong attraction for
the same sex, but has also made the decision to yield to these
desires. The gay mentality or lifestyle aren't things you just
"stumble" into - you walk into them step by step.
Where Did It Start?
Maybe you always felt that you were just "different" - you know,
you didn't quite seem to fit the image of what most people thought was
a "real man" or a "real woman." No, you didn't seem to have much in
common with the deep-voiced hero who always saved the day, and playing
baseball wasn't any fun to you. Or as a girl you just "couldn't
relate to men." Or maybe the first person who ever showed you any
attention and kindness made it easy for you to start thinking that you
"must be gay."
Maybe you grew up in a place where homosexuality was just a
normal part of life. Maybe you were hurt so badly by a certain person
that you pulled away from them, and others of the same sex, to keep
from being hurt like that again. But in your heart you know that
anyone you become close to has the ability to hurt you, gay or
straight. Maybe you feel like you were just born the way you now are.
However you got to where you're at, if there's any sense that
something's "just not right" about how things are right now, the most
important thing is "Now what?" Well, let's start at the beginning
Why Did God Make Us?
If you're turned off to God right now, please give Him a chance
to explain Himself. Just as you may be misunderstood sometimes, God
has really been misunderstood. The One who designed you and knows
everything about you is the same One who cares about you more then you
even care for yourself.
God has given us life. After He made man and woman, He said that
what He had done was good. The heart of God is to give to others and
make them happy. His hopes were that they would enjoy His world and
enjoy His presence. He didn't expect that the people He had loved and
given to would want to shut Him out of their lives. Even though He
made the whole world and has continued to be good to all of us, for
the most part we don't want Him to have anything to do with our lives.
Remember this the next time you feel hurt and rejected, because Jesus
has been hurt and rejected in a much greater way. Still, His only
desire is that perhaps once again people will enjoy His world and His
presence in their lives.
The Manufacturer's Manual
"So what's wrong with being gay, anyway? It's my sexual
preference. What difference does it make? Didn't God make us the way
we are?" So many have struggled with homosexual desires that there's
a growing confusion as to whether or not it's wrong, and whether a
person can really be free from it all.
There are a lot of "experts" who seem to come up with a new
"answer" every day, but in order to get the unchanging truth, we need
to look into the Manufacturer's Manual - the Bible. God has made each
one of us in a special way, "custom designed" really. In fact, He
holds the only patent on the human race. So if anyone knows how we're
supposed to work the best ... He does! And to show us the right way
to live, He has given us the Bible - the most printed and read book in
the world. God wants us to be filled with real happiness, and through
the Bible He shows us the way to life, and the way to death.
The Law: For Us Or Against Us?
To keep us from destroying ourselves and each other, the Lord set
up certain laws. It's because He really cares about us that He did
this. Have you ever been at someone's house where the kids were
running all over the place, yelling, fighting, covered in dirt - and
the parents just stared at the T.V.? That's not love, is it? Besides
making everyone else miserable, the children themselves are suffering.
We have laws about speeding and drunk driving, too, to protect us, and
we know they're for our own good.
So God isn't some kind of kill-joy trying to prevent anyone from
having any fun, rather, His laws are to enable us to get the maximum
out of life. His rules aren't a bunch of arbitrary "does and don'ts"
either. They all make total sense when you stand back and take a look
at the whole picture.
Just about everyone recognizes the fact that murder is wrong. We
don't think it's wrong because there's a law against it, rather, we
made laws because it was wrong. If you said, "Hey, I don't like this
law of gravity. It's too confining. I want to be free..." and
proceeded to step out of a 10th. floor window-you'd end up destroying
yourself (and maybe someone else too!).
The law of gravity only recognizes reality. In the same way, the
laws of principles that God has given us in the Bible only show us the
way things really are.
We've been carefully designed, body, mind, and soul, for a
specific purpose, and have a responsibility to use our lives in a
right way. You know what happens to the tip of a pocket knife when
you try to use it for a screwdriver or a pry bar ... the tip breaks
off. That's because it wasn't designed for that purpose. It's the
same way with our lives.
It's when we misuse our lives for selfish reasons that everything
is knocked out of kilter. God loves each person, but hates
selfishness because He sees how it destroys us, our relationships, and
others. So God won't allow selfishness to spread easily. Why?
Because He loves us enough to keep us from destroying ourselves.
Don't Be Fooled
The Lord makes it clear that He never intended men and women to
be gay, and He also makes it clear that those who practice these
things cannot be at peace with Him or even at peace with themselves.
He told us a long time ago, "Don't fool yourselves. Those who live
immoral lives, who are idol worshipers, adulterers, or homosexuals -
will have no share in His kingdom." (1 Cor. 6:9-10 LB) And again He
warns us, "The penalty for homosexual acts is death to both parties."
(Lev.20:13 LB) Because of God's heart towards us, He has given us
these warnings for our own good.
Jesus said that He came to bring us life. Remember, He's the One
who designed you. He promises us that if we walk with Him, following
His good directions and commands, we'll have real happiness and there
will be peace in our hearts. But He also promises that if wee think
we know better, and push away from Him to follow our selfishness, the
exact opposite will happen to us. The tremendous spread of disease
among gays and immoral straights would not exist if we listened to the
instructions of God, which are for our own protection, good and
Turning From God
Here's how the Scriptures say people end up far away from God -
"Yes, they knew about Him all right, but they wouldn't admit it or
worship Him or even thank Him for all His daily care. And after
awhile they began to think up silly ideas of what God was like and
what He wanted them to do. The result was that their foolish minds
became dark and confused." (Rom. 1:21 LB)
This is what happens: 1) At some point in our life we know about
God and know He's real. 2) We don't agree with Him and so we're
ungrateful. Instead of thanks, we complain about this and that. 3) We
start looking for excuses and false reasons; we speculate, hoping to
justify our selfish desires. 4) Wandering away from the truth that we
once knew, we walk into darkness and error.
Then God says that "They exchanged the truth of God for a lie,
and worshipped and served the creature rather than the Creator." (Rom.
1:25) Of course, this applies to all people that have turned form God,
but if you've been around the gay scene in any way, you know that men
and women end up worshipping and serving their bodies. A cruising
homosexual in the Tenderloin of San Francisco said, "The trading of
bodies in a gay bar is the most insensitive thing on earth. It is
degrading and repulsive, because most gay bars are now just
information whorehouses, dispensing gossip, pamphlets, and raising
money for political causes." (Two of Me, by David Wilkerson, p.7.)
God Gives Up
What would you do if you were in the Lord's position? He wants
the best for us, but we just won't listen. When people get to the
point that they don't care at all about what's right or true anymore
because they've traded the truth for a lie, God throws His hands up in
the air and says, "O.K., go ahead and do what you want." "For this
reason God gave them over to degrading passions." (Rom 1:26) We crave
and desire and pull so hard, like a dog on a leash wanting to run in
the street, that although it breaks His heart to do so, the Lord
finally cuts the leash and lets us go where we want.
This is the rest of the Scripture, "For this reason God gave them
over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural
function for that which is unnatural, and in the same way also the men
abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire
towards one another, men with men committing indecent acts and
receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error." (Rom.
1:26-27) Please don't let anyone tell you that the "natural function"
of a homosexual is for members of the same sex, and that it would be
"unnatural" for them to be heterosexual. (This is a common argument
among some groups.) There is no Scripture upholding gay sex, and the
Lord calls gayness itself error.
The Real Problem
The real problem here is nothing new, and it's not unique to
people faced with homosexual desires. The problem is trying to do
what's right when you feel like doing something else. Everyone
struggles with desires and temptations for things that aren't good.
Even Jesus struggled with similar temptations. You see, for the most
part, desires by themselves aren't good or bad. Even having strong
temptations every day isn't evil (but it is hard).
A person with a weight problem may love hot fudge sundaes? They
may have loved them as far back as they can remember. Can they just
decide to hate hot fudge sundaes? Could you? Of course not. But
they can decide to yield to God and seek His help to do what is right,
despite the desires in the opposite direction.
On the other hand, somebody else might have a tremendous desire
to love and serve God with all of his heart - but he never really gets
around to doing anything pleasing to the Lord. Do you think that God
will say, "Oh well, at least he wished he was doing right"? Can you
imagine standing in front of a judge in traffic court saying, "But
your honor, I really wanted to stop at that red light"? He's not
going to care at all what you wanted to do, what he wants to know is,
what did you end up doing?
The battle is not over your desires, but over your will. The
people that the Lord gave up to their selfish desires are not people
who couldn't do what was right, but people who wouldn't do what was
right. Jesus said, "And this is the judgment, that the light is come
into the world, and men loved the darkness rather then the light; for
their deeds were evil." (John 3:19) It's not just a matter of liking
the darkness. No, loving the darkness is a intense clinging with no
When we give in to the temptations of the enemy (yes, the devil
is very real), we can't blame God for making us that way. The One who
sees to the core of our hearts says that, "Each one is tempted when he
is carried away and enticed by his own lust." (James 1:14) We're not
dragged into rebellion by the way we grew up either, although many
times our childhood experiences make it easier to rebel. But in the
end, we make our own choices. We decide to give in. We are enticed
by our own lust.
Whoever or whatever you yield yourself to is your god. If what
you "feel" like going determines what you do, then your feeling are
your god. If what you crave after overcomes your will, then the
appetite of your flesh is your god. AS a gay man put it, "My desires
took over my reasoning."
Some of us hate the word - "guilt." But guilt serves a very good
purpose. The very presence of guilt proves that we can do what is
right. If your boss gave you a shovel and told you to fill in the
Grand Canyon in one afternoon, you wouldn't feel guilty for not doing
it, would you? Of if your coach asked you to jump a 50 foot wall, you
wouldn't feel bad about not being able to do it, because you know you
It's when we can do what's right and we don't do it that we feel
guilty. We feel that way because we know we should be doing something
else. God sends guilt to us as an alarm. Just like the pain in a
stubbed toe, the message being sent is, "Something is wrong." When
the red lights of your conscience go off telling you "Danger! Danger!"
and you keep pushing, slowly you lose your feeling of guilt. The
Bible says that in the last days many people will be "seared in their
own conscience as with a branding iron." (1 Tim. 4:2) Just because you
may not feel as guilty as you used to is not a sigh that you're safe -
far from it.
Can I Be Free?
If you're wondering if God will fix up your life, the answer is
no, He Won't. He wants to give you a totally new life. Face it - you
can't change your desires, and without the power of the Living God in
your life, you can't even change your actions because you're a slave
to your appetites. Jesus said that "You shall know the truth, and the
truth shall make you free." (John 8:32) But you can't be set free
from the power of strong desires and wrong actions until you first
admit that you're a slave. You must see that you've been wrong for
giving in to these desires if you're guilty of doing that.
When you humble yourself before the Lord, admitting your guilt
and shame, giving the reins of your life completely over to Him, then
Jesus will come to you with loving forgiveness and life-changing
power. As you yield your will to Jesus, He will lead you into the
life of wholeness and peace that you've always really desired. God is
what has been missing in your life all this time.
The Lord moves in different ways in each persons life. Some
people are instantly delivered from the power of these desires when
they cry out to the Lord. Other are set free as they continue to
follow Jesus, making right choices, and allowing His power to release
them from years of wrong thought patterns and actions.
If you wonder if it's really possible, even the very first
Christians know the freedom that Jesus brought:
"And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, in which you
formerly walked ... Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts
of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and
were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest. But God being
rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even
when we were dead in our sins, made us alive together with Christ."
Jesus really does care for you and always has. He's not only
willing to take away all of your guilt and shame, but if you will turn
to Him with your heart, turning away from all you know to be wrong, He
will give you a new life. That means not just turning from
homosexuality, but from anything that holds you back from giving
everything to the Lord: drinking, anger, hate, unforgiveness, love of
money, lying ... all those things. It may sound too simple, but the
testimony of those who were once bound by homosexuality can confirm
that the Lord is telling the truth.
"As I discovered the intense, intimate love of God for ME, I was
set free from that consuming drive which had held me a slave to
perversion." (The Man In The Mirror, by Sy Rogers)
"I have truly come out now. I have come out from the hell I was
living. I have come out of the gay closet. And that's what it was -
a closet ... a dark, closed-in, cluttered, confusing lifestyle - from
which there is only one exit. That exit is Jesus and He has set me
free." (How I Came out, by Mark Pierpont)
Does all this sound too foolish and too simple for such a deep
problem? Then you haven't seen the power of God. "For the word of
the cross is to those who are perishing foolishness, but to us who are
being saved it is the power of God ... the foolishness of God is wiser
than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men." (1 Cor.
I'm not saying it's going to be easy. It will probably be a
battle all the way, but Jesus came to us and went through horror,
overcoming the enemy so that we could live life at peace with God once
again. Don't try to hide from Him. He can change your heart and your
life if you will only yield to Him. He really cares about you, but if
you continue to let yourself be dragged around by your desires, you
will destroy yourself in this life and, in the end, you will stand
before a God from whom you can find no hiding place. There is still
time, and still hope. It's not too late for anyone who is really
serious. Reach out to Jesus ... He's waiting for you.
Computers for Christ - Chicago
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